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Aline
Author: Demosthones
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(Added on Jun 3, 2003)
(This month 87664 readers) (Total 120597 readers) |
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A young virgin is made the property of a wealthy man in the U.S. after it has become a dictatorship. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 5 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Colin Quick
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 17, 2003 |
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Aline is diablolically and sweetly evil in that the young ladies free will is overcome by their fear. Even more enticing is that they 'fall in love' with their tormentors. (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
Hornyreddevil
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 7, 2003 |
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PARTS 1&2 they only problem i ran into was in chapter 2. when it started to repeat it self
PARTs 3&4 the story seems to be moving along and thats a good thing but without sounding stupid what does he mean by donut? (7/10)
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- Replied by:
anguisette
(Edit) (Jun 7, 2003)
- i would assume that by "donut" he's referring to the welts left by the beatings. i have never heard the term, either, though, so it's all supposition.
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| Reviewer:
anguisette
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 5, 2003 |
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I ran into a few more problems that the previous reviewers. There were many spelling and grammatical errors that just plain glared out at me, like a neon sign. I hate to say this again and again in my reviews, but it doesn't seem to be sinking in. People, if you're going to post your work for all the world (or at least, the BDSM world, as the case may be) to see, HAVE SOMEBODY EDIT IT!!! Using spell-check isn't enough; as Nitrofox pointed out, you used "waste" instead of "waist." Spellcheck won't catch errors like this, because "waste" is a real word. Just have your buddy, wife, slave, whomever, read the story before you post it and embarrass yourself. My other gripe is over word choice, or lack thereof. I didn't see enough variety adjectives or adverbs in this story, which would give me a "being there" feeling. Basically, if I see the words "whack" or "donut" (donut??) again, I'm going to run screaming. That said, I really LOVED the concept of this story. I think it has the makings of an awesome serial, if you just spend a bit of time in the editing phase of writing. Sorry for such a long review. (5/10)
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- Replied by:
Demosthones
(Edit) (Jun 7, 2003)
- Apologies about the confusion created by part 2.
I thought the criticism was quite accurate. If I continue, I will take as much into consideration as possible.
Thanks for your thoughts
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| Reviewer:
Nitrofox
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 3, 2003 |
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I really liked the idea on which this story was based. It was nice that it wasn't all done chronologically, in that the society was not explained immediately. I can see a definite romantic relationship growing out of this. The second chapter was problematic in that the two paragraphs were repeated. The writing was pretty good. The only spelling error that comes to mind was "waste" instead of "waist". I must agree with Powerone, however, that the paragraphs become progressively longer. I am very interested in a continuation of this story. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Powerone
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 3, 2003 |
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The story had a good premise to it. It was just difficult because the paragraphs got larger and larger. When the speaker changes, a new paragraph should begin.
The second paragraph was all confused. It had only two paragraphs and they repeated.
(5/10)
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- Replied by:
Nitrofox
(Edit) (Jun 3, 2003)
- Is it just me, or do the last two sentences of your review contain a logical fallacy? ;-).
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