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A Different Kind Of Job
Author: Peter
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(Added on Mar 7, 2003)
(This month 54546 readers) (Total 95664 readers) |
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A little girl is looking for a job during her holidays. However, it turns out to be a different kind of job... |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 6 |
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17% |
33% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (4/10) |
| Average
Rating: (4/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (6/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (2/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Sojurboy
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 10, 2010 |
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Poor English, and even poorer delivery. Learn English grammar, and then try again. I don't know your home country, and you deserve a few points for tackling a story in a language not native to you. You have promise as you gain control of English. Hopefully you will become more conversant with American or British culture, while learning the nuances of the language. Your stories should improve. (2/10)
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| Reviewer:
Falcon
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 27, 2008 |
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The premise of the story sounded interesting. I liked the idea that he presents this as a job opportunity, appraises her from photos, and hires her long distance, flying her to her new 'job'. These are the novel elements. But what happens after that mostly disappointed me. This story could be improved by making the reader care more about the girl or about her 'employer'. Show us or tell us what these people are thinking and feeling and why they act as they do. (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
lamoore
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 4, 2004 |
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Needs a good edit, otherwise okay (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
ladys_maid
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 15, 2003 |
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I agree with the previous reviewers. I liked the story but the writing certainly needs attention. (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
mine to give
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 18, 2003 |
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i didn't think the story built to a strong climax. Also, the grammer and vocabulary seemed "forced" somehow. The ideas were good and the dialog was well done. Keep writing, but, i'd suggest additional editing. (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
boccaccio2000g
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 15, 2003 |
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The author writes with commendable energy and intensity, but needs to devote more attention to spelling, (Champaign?), grammar and so on. In the first few pages, at least, he goes back and forth between present and past tense. Later on there are some very long paragraphs with dialogue from multiple speakers; with very rare exceptions every "speech" warrants its own paragraph.
Don't give up -- your story has some nice "punch" -- but next time try to take a little more care with the mechanics.
(3/10)
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