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The Last Straw
Author: angel
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(Added on Nov 28, 2002)
(This month 49453 readers) (Total 59562 readers) |
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A wife gets a lesson in discipline from her irate husband. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 6 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (5.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (3/10) |
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| Reviewer:
crickette
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 10, 2004 |
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I enjoyed reading The Last Straw. I hope their is a Part II. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
e.e. norcod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 22, 2003 |
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Sylistically I agree with boccaccio, luc and powerone - the story needs a buff up. However, I have to admit that when I am writing fiction I do not adhere to the rigorous paragraph structure I use in my nonfiction technical writing. But then I write fiction for pleasure. If James Joyce or Kafka submitted something tomorrow how would we rate it?
I was a little disturbed by the undertone of violence. I find myself a bit puzzled by this since a number of my heroines end up with blood dripping from their nipples and genitals. But these events tend to occur in a rather misty, far off world and I have had only one reader ever upset my fiction. Perhaps it is the way in which the domestic setting is used. Perhaps it is because I am a rather large and powerful male frequently placed in a position of authority that I have always had to be aware of the potential for abuse. And come to think of it, my fiction never features enraged males hitting females. It may be that "The Last Straw" though told ostensibly from a male point of view is really addressing a female fear/sensibility/fantasy.
I give this as a considerable compliment. If you can make me ambivalent about something that borders on a subject that is taboo for me, you are beginning to get somewhere in the art of fiction. Keep it up. You might want to revise this story and resubmit under a different title. Or write a second chapter. Keep working on your writing. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
boccaccio2000g
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 29, 2002 |
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I liked the premise too. But I must confess that the lack of paragraphing is such a fundamental part of story-writing that it really drags the story down. There are also a lot of choppy sentences early on. Half an hour's additional effort might have earned this story a '7' or '8' instead of a '3'. (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
luc
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 28, 2002 |
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I really like the premise! Gosh i've LIVED this story almost. But i think it might have been posted a little too hasitly. Needs work-for instance paragraph breaks would be a nice start. It was hard to finish without them so i will admit, i didn't. ;) Also am i alone in wishing to see the long-overdue demise of the extended word such as "smaaaccckkkkk" and "noooooooooo"?
Maybe this story should be taken down for overhaul- it HAS potential. (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
Powerone
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 28, 2002 |
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The story is OK, but a whole story in one paragraph is a little hard to handle.
(5/10)
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| Reviewer:
peachmellon
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 28, 2002 |
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Hello thank you for sharing the story with Us.. i enjoyed it, and looking forward to reading more..
Once again ty so much for sharing with us..
(8/10)
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