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Hermione's Wrong Spell
Author: Kevin Clik
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(Added on Sep 3, 2002)
(This month 65245 readers) (Total 79283 readers) |
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Sub Story of Harry Potter's Sequence. Hermione use spell on her own and Harry meet his first pleasure... |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 6 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (3/10) |
| Average
Rating: (3/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (3/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (2/10) |
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| Reviewer:
D. Atrocity
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 27, 2004 |
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You've got some good ideas here. You just need to take some English courses and get yourself an editor. Fanfic is fun and this could rate a lot higher if you'd just fix some of those errors. By the way, who is Chloe? Did you mean Cho Chang, the Ravenclaw seeker? (3/10)
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- Replied by:
ztory666
(Edit) (Sep 9, 2004)
- you can review and post my story on other fanfic site. I'm very bad with English(Can't do anything about that.) And Chloe is Cho Chang.Z(you see how bad English I am)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 7, 2004 |
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please leave harry potter and his gang to kids and the book stores (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
omechron
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 4, 2002 |
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1) The main problem here is the spelling and grammar. If I were you, I'd get a beta reader, because my friends stuff looks kind of like that before I beta read it.
2) the philistenes around here don't like fanfiction, especially about younger target audience stuff like HP or Digimon. I sugest you post your work on fanfiction.net, or else provide LOTS of backstory which is not worth it for these mooks. You dun wanna have to go over the first 3 books do you?
4) Plotwise it is good except... "Womo Vagini"? Why did Harry know a pussy thawing spell? I would've had him use a generic dispell magic spell and then a warmth or something...
5) I haven't read the 3rd book yet, so you should not have mentioned Chloe or had a spoiler warning. (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
S_Couture
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 3, 2002 |
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English is probably not your native tongue. Elements of Style by Strunk and White would do wonders to improve the readability. (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
bluezy
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 3, 2002 |
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I may not be fluent in english, but that story was written by someone who did not even bother to think about what it would be like to read it
(2/10)
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