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Slaver Training
Author: Powerone
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(Added on Aug 30, 2002)
(This month 189541 readers) (Total 304632 readers) |
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This is the story of the training of a new Slaver and the taking of two new slaves, a mother and daughter and what they are forced to endure before they are sold. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 9 |
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11% |
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44% |
22% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8/10) |
| Average
Rating: (8/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
seeder21
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 1, 2016 |
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I have only read the first chapter and can't wait for more! Thank you, enjoyed! (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
tiggerbaby
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 28, 2006 |
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makes you want more (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
jbowler65
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 19, 2004 |
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Good story. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 14, 2004 |
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keep it cumming (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
titlover
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 25, 2003 |
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Ilove the finger fucking (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
Terry Gabriola
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 2, 2002 |
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Have to agree with Sir Draconis: the characterization and dialogue are awful and none of the reactions ring true (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
Trusser
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 31, 2002 |
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Totally Enjoyable (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
Sir Draconis
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 31, 2002 |
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The lack of proper communication between the "slavers" is jarring and suspends the aura of fantasy the tale attempts to create. No one speaks
as this tale is wriiten, with totally elucidated words rather than contractions and reading the tale is difficult because of this.
The attempt to depict the perspective of the victims is a total failure. While the depictions are graphic enough the lack of empathy with the victims plight is highlited by the intimated "enjoyment"
on the part of the daughter. The victims home has been invaded, a pleasant lunch destroyed and both are bound and being subjected to violent abuse, yet the author would have us believe
that the daughter would have her mother suffer an oral rape instead of acceptingsome modicum of pain.
This coupled with the 'arousal' of the daughter at the slavers manipulations erradicates the illusion of the tale which the author has been striving to create.
I reccommend the following :
1. eliminate the attempts to depict the scenario from the victims POV this is a slaver training/fresh meat raid. These two bitches are nothing more than 'todays' commodity to these protagonists and as such are not worthy of even the slightest consideration as people.
2. add several elements of cruelty and humiliation to the tale. The daughter, supposedly near virginal would be far more beleivable as urinating on herself in fear and drawing a brutal reaction from the slavers as becoming a burden from the urine and thus being brutally punished rather than the current depiction of arousing lust.
3. play the 2 victims against each other. Currently you have the daughter mentally begging the mother to submit rather than accepting some measure of discomfort. Instaed depict the two victims as 'noble martyrs' each eagerly embracing more horrific torture so that the other might be saperd. This offers both an accurate insight into the mother daughter relationship and allows for great creativity on the part of the author as the 'tortures' become more and more extreme, limited only by the fact that any 'permanent' marks or disfiguring will ultimately reduce the final sale value of the 'merchandise'.
4. add an element of 'rookie lust' to the slaver in training. He is supposed to be on his first (or near first0 capture run. Depicting him as calmly accepting the scene and obeying orders is unbeleivable. He has 2 helpless attractive women at his feet, women to whom he can do ANYTHING he desires. at the very least he should be masturbating and engaging in verbal abuse of the victims. and at the most he should be actively being restrained by the older slaver as his lusts take hold.
5. enhance the details of the tale. A half consumed galss of milk or sandwich on the table that the helpless victim watches the slaver consume contains the elements of far greater terror than anything yet penned. this is both a home invasion and a forced rape(as yet the women do not know their ultimate fate nor that they have been taken by slavers) use tiny details to draw the scene more realistically. taking a pair of panties out of a clothes hamper and sniffing them for example. Show the sheer sense of violation that these victims are experiencing.
On balance this is a vary good kernel of a classic tale and I commend the courage that it required to place it for evaluation. I hope that we will see it continue and improve.
Sir Draconis (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
powerpet
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 30, 2002 |
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I totally got off :D can't wait for more!!! (10/10)
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