|
|
|
|
|
Bad Girl
Author: danniella
|
| |
(Added on Jul 15, 2002)
(This month 9200 readers) (Total 21541 readers) |
| |
She forgot that when her temper got the best of her, that Master could be a very STRICT Disciplinarian. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
| 0% |
75% |
25% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
|
Weighed
Average (?):  (3/10) |
Average
Rating:  (2.5/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (3/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (2/10) |
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 7, 2008 |
| |
Yuck, pure and simple. read the other reviews for more advice (2/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
l_anguissette
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 18, 2003 |
| |
I have to agree with both previous reviewers. I also feel the need to stress the importance of a well-written story. I'm sorry, but nobody will take you seriously as a writer if you do not take the time to have your stories edited for grammar and spelling. I can even overlook some of what Sir Draconis complained about; different methods of training appeal to different people. Plus, there is no mention of a 24/7 BDSM relationship, so one can't really assume anything. But he is certainly correct in stating that the character development, word choice and lack of transitions make the story very hard to read. I love the idea, and would like to see the story worked on and perhaps re-posted. (2/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Nitrofox
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 1, 2002 |
| |
I agree very much with Sir Draconis, and there's nothing he could have said that I can elaborate on. Also, the constant capitalization of "he" and "him" were ... ugh. I'm atheistic, so I dislike the whole idea of capitalizing a pronoun. (2/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Sir Draconis
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 19, 2002 |
| |
the first(and most difficult to deal with) problem is the lack of transition between
the descriptive narritive and the actual events of the tale. this forces the reader
to 'translate' the tale as it is being read and makes for very difficult immersion
into the meat of the story. using this tale as an impetus for a 'personal'
fantasy or daydream is nearly impossible.
The next note of discord is sounded from the sequence of the events of the
tale. While I am aware that this realm is generally considered sacrosanct as the
strict province of the author, I must point out that the 'defiance' depicted is met
with such meek 'discipline' that for anyone who is expereinced and knowledgable
of the BDSM life this renders the tale ludicrous.
The switch from event description, to spoken words, to inner thoughts is made
almost without distinction and reveals that the author has little true knowledge
of the subject matter. A submissive in a 24/7 BDSM relationship would never
be at the point of thinking, let alone acting as this female is portrayed. Nor
would a True BDSM DOM tolerate this behavior for even a moment, let alone
be deeply involved with one so poorly trained.
On the positive side the author displays imagination and the ability to 'paint'
with words. The verbiage is appropriateand correct as is the spelling. unless
this tale was intended as a parody of BDSM life(which I see no indication of)
it is fatally flawed in its depictions.
Character depiction also needs much work. is the sub shaved ? are her eyes
RED as the story indicates with the line " The tears now begin to fill her eyes of fire "
is she shaven or hairy ? (which matters greatly in the area of spanking/whipping
What are the physical characterisitics of the Dom ? again this is key when addressing
the matter of physical discipline.
I STRONGLY recommend the Author do some research into BDSM before
taking it on as subject matter again. Any chat rooms or text sites,
re reading the tales here or just plain asking but clearly more knowledge
of the topic is required.
I commend the author for making the first effort and sincerely hope
that the author persists in submitting tales and takes this commentary
as it is intended; Constructive Criticism.
Respectfully Submitted
Sir Draconis
Real life 24/7 BDSM Dom
(3/10)
|
|
|
About 