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The Hunting Party
Author: Paladin
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(Added on Jul 5, 2002)
(This month 33058 readers) (Total 53179 readers) |
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Current life on the reservation for intrusive pail faces. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 3 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (3.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (3/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (4/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (2/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Jonathan
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 28, 2003 |
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Moose Head was the war chef of the Faux Pas. The Faux Pas were a tribe of clueless-Americans who inhibited their ancestral lands in what they were pretty sure was the specific northwest. The white I's coveted the lands of the Faux Pas. As war chef, it was Moose Head's responsibility to defend his ancestors' lands against the intrusions of the white I's and to make sure that everyone ate rite.
The radio at Moose Head's elbow crackled to life. "Bogey at two O'clock."
"Ten fore, good buddy," Moose Head replied.
The message of the Faux Pas code talker had been precise. There was a Bogart movie coming on at two O'clock. It was not yet noon, so that wood give him plenty of time to deal with the subject at hand.
The subject at hand was an almost beautiful young white I. Her long blond hare tumbled down the creamy skin of her naked back, her wrists bound above her head. The reason her back was to Moose Head was because the woman was a bucket head, a true pail face. Moose Head had considered that he could just put a bag over her head (or a bucket, ha ha), but it was easier to just take her from behind. Soon he would add her scalp to his "wig"wam.
Since becoming war chef, Moose Head had implemented a plan that kept almost everyone away from the lands of the Faux Pas. The only exception was beautiful young women. The Faux Pas could hardly capture, torture, and kill them fast enough to keep up.
"Hey, chef," the radio squawked again. "We got a whole buss load this time. They're passing the standing stones on Injun Lane."
"That's gotta hurt."
"Get sirius, Moooose Head. Call out the smokeys."
Moose Head winced at the smirk in the callers voice when he said "Moooose Head". Moose Head had been assured by his parents that he had been named after a beverage, but he suspected otherwise. All his life people had smirked when they used his name, some laughing outrite. No one would ever let him in on the joke, but he suspected the true origin of his name had had something to do with an inter-species sex act. This had caused Moose Head to have a bad attitude all his life, which was why he was such a good war chef.
Getting to his feet, Moose Head gathered his men, mounted his horse, and set off to deal with the 0intruders.
The buss stopped at the road block set up by the Faux Pas. The Indians noted the sign on the side of the buss, which read "Miss America Pagent".
"The white I's can't spell any better than we can," grumbled Beever Breath at Moose Head's shoulder.
The contestants stepped off the buss, one by one, to be bound and led away by the Faux Pas. No one would ever miss an entire buss load of extremely beautiful wannabe celebrities. (2/10)
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- Replied by:
Beethovenfan
(Edit) (Jul 8, 2002)
- ROFL!
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| Reviewer:
Beethovenfan
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 7, 2002 |
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I have to agree with much of what Terry says about this story, although I'll give it a higher rating because I've read much worse on this site recently. Even a 'nasty' tale can be written with style. Bad spelling will never serve the author's cause. (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
Terry Gabriola
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 6, 2002 |
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Believability: 4 - there's a kind of setting & storyline, though it's not developed
Characterization: 2 - virtually absent
Literary style: 2 - clichéd and close to unreadable. I'm afraid I gave up on this tale after the first couple of screenfuls.
Grammar/spelling/etc: 1 - awful
Just from the first few paragraphs:
pail faces = pale faces
sovern = sovereign
use of ' in possessives
dispoiled = despoiled
head = heed
oppinionated = opinionated (3/10)
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