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Three Expulsions
Author: Onvisy
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(Added on Jan 29, 2015)
(This month 95432 readers) (Total 95432 readers) |
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Three young women are expelled from school in a crazy alternative universe where incest, rape, torture and sexualized killing are the order of the day. |
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of Ratings: 1 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
Average
Rating:  (9/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (9/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (9/10) |
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| Reviewer:
ReddyforMore
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 4, 2015 |
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Hot Hot HOT!!! Needs a bit of editing, though. Early in the story, the first girl to be expelled is called "Violet" a few times before being referred to as "Victoria" for the rest of the story. There are also a few misspellings and an extra or missing word here and there.
But overall, for a story of this length, it's often hard to catch all the little errors -- especially those a spellchecker or even grammar checker wouldn't catch. If you type "there" when you mean "their" or "they're" it MIGHT catch it; it might not. Using other wrong words, or missing words may also not be caught.
I also saw a very common misspelling which makes me wonder if you actually did run a spellchecker (if you didn't, then the spelling in this is pretty great, considering nothing electronic checked it). That's the misuse of the single, NON-word, "awhile" where there should be two words: "a while." There IS NO SUCH WORD as "awhile."
Still, I gave you a 9. I don't rate higher than that for anything but perfection, so I think the story is pretty good. The folks in it are downright evil. Then again, if you live in a society where you can "make" more kids just by going to a gene lab, that sort of thing can cheapen life, perhaps, making rape, torture and murder a lot more acceptable.
I fully agree with you that it's hard to imagine how a society like that could function. In truth, there are likely many "good, law-abiding citizens" in today's world who would do such things if they thought they could with no repercussions. The fact, however, is that we all have a "social contract" that says, in essence, "you don't abuse me and I won't abuse you." Laws are established to enforce that contract, but even without them, most people simply wouldn't stand for others who went around raping and torturing people -- at least not if they were in strong enough force to do something about it. Obviously, in times past (and even in some current, tyrannical nations) such things do happen because even if the majority of the population would rebel against it, those in power who do all the nasty things also have all the weapons and soldiers (including the rich, who usually have the government "in their pocket" in such nations).
But during brutal regimes like The Third Reich, and the Soviet Union under Stalin, anyone who had power could do pretty much what they wanted to the weak and vulnerable, and often did. They STILL do in some of the brutal regimes in Africa and Asia, where an estimated 20 MILLION people still live as slaves. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Onvisy
(Edit) (Feb 14, 2015)
- Thank you so much for these comments! I will definitely look through to edit some things along the lines you indicated.
I tried to make this story one where in a sense, there's not an oppressed class because _everyone_ is weak and vulnerable in a way that makes them apt to be raped, tortured and murdered at any given time. Not at all realistic, but in a strictly literal sense, fantastic. ;) (And hopefully avoidant of some sticky ethical issues in the writing of extreme stories like this one.)
A couple of the stories I just submitted have turned out with some really bad formatting on the website fsr so I'll be trying to fix those soon. Keep your eye out for that! :D
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