Pursuit of Misery
Prologue of a Masochist
Michelle was a pure masochist. She's been that way as long as she could
remember. When she was young she would play with cuts and bruises trying to make
them hurt worse. She would tear her scabs off healing wounds, and try to get
them infected. She'd walk barefoot on hot sand and pavement and scorch the
bottoms of her feet. As she reached her pubescent years she entered a new level
of depravity in her self inflictions. She was attractive and intelligent, and
she never quite understood why, but she had a constant desire to be in pain, or
discomfort. As she approached her late teens she made sure that desire was
filled everyday, usually by her own infliction. She tried a multitude of
tortures on herself. She pulled her own hair, and then proceeded to pluck hairs
from her head one by one. She spent hours keeping her twat hairless, by plucking
each hair with tweezers. She would bite her lip until it bled. She would slap
her own face, tits, ass and cunt. She would pinch her nipples and clit, twisting
, turning and digging in her nails often until they bled. She hated herself and
she punished herself daily because of it. No one ever realized she had, a
problem, not teachers or counselors, and certainly not her neglectful parents.
But she was smart, and she knew how to hide her injuries and self punishments.
So when she cut herself with razors and knifes, no one saw the cuts on her
thighs, tits, pussy, and even the bottoms of her feet. No one knew that her cunt
and ass were bleeding and raw from having fucked herself with large rough
objects like broom handles. She was convinced she has splinters up both her
holes, so she became a little more carful in what she fucked herself with, not
for herself, but because she thought guys might hurt their dicks if she had
too many broken off splinters in her holes. But Michelle came to a point in her
life where physical suffering wasn't enough. She hated herself and wanted to
suffer abject misery. She wanted her life to be a living hell. She was a much an
emotional and social masochist as much as she was a physical one. She didn't
have any friends and didn't deserve any. The girls she hung around with in
school were arrogant selfish birches that took advantage of her. She would do
their homework for them, give them her lunch money, and run errands for them.
They talked down to her and generally treated her like shit, especially when it
became clear that shw wasn't going to do a thing about it. The boys she sought
out were no different . There were no nice guys for Michele. She never really
had a boyfriend in high school, just a slew of guys that knew they could take
advantage of her. A couple of the guys even figured out that the worse they
treated her, the more she gave back. These were her favorites. She did their
home work, wrote their papers, sucked their dicks and took cock or whatever else
they stuck in her holes, all without complaint or reciprocation of any kind.
They didn't get her off and never tried. Even so there were a few occasions when
being roughly fucked, that out of pure sexual build up and frustration she
almost came. In those situations she would pull her legs back in a painful
manner, or try in someway to increase her pain and discomfort until the pending
orgasm passed. The thug on top of her drilling her fuckholes, had no idea the
effort she went through to deny herself any pleasure from the fucking. They were
all one sided relationships, she did all the giving and they did all the taking,
and she wouldn't have wanted it any other way. After reaching puberty she and
gotten herself off a couple times by masturbation. Since then she hasn't allowed
herself any relief. She will still masturbate, usually in some painful degrading
way, but she never allows herself to orgasm. It is one of her favorite forms of
self denial. You see to michelle its important that she denies herself all the
pleasure life has to offer. And She is compulsively obsessive about finding even
small ways to hurt herself or deny herself pleasures. It started somewhat
innocently, she'd pick out the itchy sweater or panties to wear. Uncomfortable
bras and shoes became a daily event. She pull her hair back in a tight ponytail
that gave her a headache. She's choose bras that didn't fit right, and were too
small and very uncomfortable. Panties were itchy and ran up her crack. People in
shoe stores might have thought she was an typical ordinary bitch trying on
dozens of heels. Little did they know that the only reason she spent so much
time there was not to find shoes, she like, but rather ones she didn't , SO she
tried on 40 pairs of high heels at 5 different stores and only choose the ones
that were the most uncomfortable to walk and stand in. Then she would buy them a
couple of sizes too small. Usually they were also the most expensive. If they
were on sale she would come back later and pay full price. Michelle didn't want
discounts, or special treatment of any kind. Shw wanted to be taken advantage
of, in every way. So when she was offered a discount for spending so much, she
declined it. When she was told something was going on sale next week, she buy
them now. If a salesperson, was rude to her she make sure and seek out that one
everytime. If a waitress or waiter was rude and did a poor job, she's leave an
extra big tip. And so it became that by the time she reached college, there's
was no decision Michelle made that wasn't designed in some way to deny herself
pleasure or cause pain and discomfort.
It was important to realize that michelle dint tell people about her desires or
self loathing. They simply thought she was a shy naive bitch who didn't know how
to stand up for herself. Instead she sought out manipulators and abusers. She
was actually excellent at spotting and finding both men and women who would take
advantage of her. And then she would slowly and subtlety manipulate them into
treating her like shit. Because that's what she wanted. She didn't want respect
of appreciation or kindness, and she certainly didn't want to be loved. She knew
how to pick out the macho assholes cheating on their wives and girlfriends, the
ones that didn't have any respect for women and some that down right hated them.
These are the men that she gave herself too and slaved for. These were the men
that actually got bored of using and degrading her, so low was their opinion of
her that they dumped her when they tired of her.
