THURSDAY NIGHT DOCTOR'S APPOINMENT
I got home at my regular time, pleading ill health to keep me away from the
girl's and was surprised to find myself thinking about Adam. What an enigma he
was. How did someone as obviously intelligent as he was, end up where he was
at? [Ask yourself.] I have been, little bitch voice. It was merely something
that I was contemplating. Using my time to good advantage. I wanted to know
more about him. He fascinated me in a way that was probably not healthy for
either one of us. Mostly me.
I reread my journal. It was mostly the everyday bullshit that drove me up a
wall. I thought that it was odd the mundane regularity of it. It had very
little to do with sex. It was very ordinary. Not much in it to dazzle Jon.
Just some rumination about my life.
I felt lost again. Like the glow from the weekend had faded and left me. I
wanted tomorrow to come quickly. Very impatient for it to start. I felt like I
wanted to burn out on sex. Get so overloaded on it that I stopped thinking
about it. It wasn't even that I had a hard time putting it out of my mind. It
was that the intricacy of my thoughts would catch me at the most inopportune
times. Making me wet, driving me crazy. Forcing a gasp from my lips.
It was like that now. Perusing the paper and finding an ad for the bondage show
at a local nightclub on Saturday. It was an inspiring little tidbit, so I put it
in my journal.
Something to dazzle Jon with for the weekend. Ignoring the phone when it rang,
putting all thought out of my head but for this one thought. I wanted to do the
show. Not just watch, but my master was not Jon. He was more like a ruler of
my body. He doesn't terrify me. Not the way that Adam does. That one thought
made me shiver with fear. When I thought of Jon, I thought of Traci. When I
thought of Adam. I thought of rough sex and heart-pounding fear of his beauty
and his cruelty. His body under the whip and inside mine. Gratifying
brutality. It meant big trouble and I was in it. Lost in it.
