A Visit From Santa Claus
by
von Hentzau
Boy, what a party! That had been the wildest Christmas Eve Nancy had had in
all her twenty-six years. It started out simply enough. Just a few friends
getting together. They had joked about the eggnog. Let's have one for
tradition's sake and then get down to some serious partying. But Roger had been
traditionally spiking the eggnog with rum. After three or four eggnogs they were
going down quickly. Nancy had no idea how much she'd drunk, but it was a good
thing she wasn't driving.
Now, as often happened when she'd had a bit too much to drink, Nancy had
slept for a few hours and then half-awakened, rolling over and over in the dark
in a state not quite awake but not really sleeping.
Then she heard it. A noise in the kitchen. She lay perfectly still, eyes
wide open, ears listening. She heard it again. She slipped from the bed,
adjusting her nightshirt to make sure everything was covered. Then she edged
toward the open bedroom door. She could see, across the living room, a light in
the kitchen.
She tiptoed across the living room, trying to think what would make a good
weapon. Slowly she eased into the kitchen. The refrigerator door was wide open.
A wide, red clad bottom was sticking out past the door.
Then the figure straightened up and stepped back from the refrigerator.
Nancy blinked, then blinked again. Red suit, trimmed in white. Black boots,
spattered with snow and soot. White beard. Red stocking cap with white trim and
a white ball at the end. A figure not tall but very wide.
"Santa?" Nancy squeaked out.
"So what? You thought it might be the Easter Bunny? He's not coming for
another four months."
Santa closed the refrigerator door. He was holding a carton of soy milk.
"Hey, I found the cookies, if you wanna call those fat-free things cookies.
But what gives with the milk? All I could find was this soy stuff. And how the
heck do you milk a soy bean anyway? You ever seen teats on a soy bean?"
"I'm lactose intolerant," Nancy said weakly, a little afraid of the
response she'd get.
"Well I'm not," Santa said gruffly. "It's damned cold out in that sleigh. I
need a calories. And a good slug of animal fat now and then, to deal with it.
Besides, it's traditional to put the milk and cookies out on a coffee table or
an end table. Out where I can find it without hunting around. I'm on a tight
schedule you know."
Santa stumped off to the living room and plopped his bulk heavily into an
easy chair in front of the fireplace. Nancy followed him. Santa stuffed several
of the cookies down his mouth, scattering chocolate brown crumbs down his beard.
Then he too a long swig of the soy milk.
"Well," he said after a rumbling burp,"it's actually good that you're up.
Saves me having to wake you."
"Wai..wait a minute," Nancy said. She took a long look at the merrily
burning fire, the brickwork, the heavy wooden mantelpiece with a single stocking
hanging from it. The pine boughs and candles arranged on top the mantel.
"I don't have a fireplace!"
"Pretty nifty, ain't it," Santa replied. "You know, when they started
building these modern apartment buildings with no fireplaces that really put a
kink in my routine. I mean, I have to come down the chimney and through the
fireplace. It's right there in the regulations. Anything else just isn't kosher.
"So I came up with this. I call it the Porta-Chim. The setup was a bit
tricky but once I got the bugs out of it, why, just a wink and a nod and poof!
Instant fireplace! And it's non-polluting, too."
"So, anyway, Nancy," Santa said, cookie crumbs cascading down his beard.
"As I was saying, it's good you're up. Have you ever been audited by the
I.R.S.?"
"N..no," Nancy said. There were a few items in last year's return that
made her just a little nervous at the mention of that name.
"Well, this works sort of like an audit," Santa continued. "You see, lumps
of coal just don't do it anymore. Used to be, you dropped a lump of coal in a
stocking, you sent a message. Nowadays, kid gets a lump of coal he's just as
likely to chuck it through the window of the little old lady next door. And
adults? Don't get me started! We dumped a ton in the middle of Ken Lay's living
room last year and you know what the jerk did with it? He sold it! At triple the
going price!
"So we've had to adopt a less subtle strategy to get our point across.
We're kinda stuck on the kids. They're so picky these days about giving the
little beggars a red rump what with child abuse and all that. We're still
working up a program that'll pass muster with legal and I'll tell ya, it's a
bitch. American Bar Association isn't gonna have any coal shortage this year!
So, in the meantime we've had to reorient our behavior modification program to
the over 18 crowd. Does the term 'corporal punishment' ring a bell with you,
Nance?"
"Corporal...like spanking?" Nancy gulped out in surprise.
"Something like that," Santa said. "It's still a pilot project, you
understand. And due to manpower, and elfpower, limitations we've had to limit it
to selected individuals, like the I.R.S. does with audits. And guess what? The
computer spat out your name, among others."
"But, but, I've been good," Nancy sputtered out. "Really, I have!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Santa muttered, fumbling about in the pocket of his
thick red wool coat. He brought out a Palm Pilot. "That's what they all say.
Well, the computer says different."
He noticed Nancy staring at the electronic device in surprise.
"Ain't this great?" he asked. "That danged book was getting so big I was
getting repetitive stress injuries just lugging it around. Now I'm hooked right
into the mainframe at the Pole. High speed satellite link. I can look up
anybody, anywhere. Everybody's records, at the push of a button. Eat'cher heart
out, John Ashcroft! Now let's see what exactly we've got here."
Santa poked at the Palm Pilot. He studied it, stroking his beard.
"Not too bad, really. Not compared to some. But we've adopted a zero
tolerance policy, you know. Definitely a schedule A." He looked up at Nancy and
winked. "Could be worse."
"But I've been a good person, really I have," Nancy whimpered.
"Ok. Think back to March 28. Do you recall a lunch bag in the office
refrigerator belonging to Ed Frazier? Ed had to do without his Fritos that day
because you raided his lunch bag."
"I meant to pay him back. I just didn't have any change for the machines."
"We might have let that slide, but you dumped the empty bag in Lois
Chandler's wastebasket. He still thinks she stole his chips. Now, about the
stoplight at 27th and Oakhurst? Do you know how many times you've slipped
through on the red?"
"But the light's not synchronized! It's impossible to get through it! It's
just so frustrating!"
"We're getting really tough on traffic light infractions these days. Now,
moving along to July 4th. You were at a picnic. A young man asked you for your
phone number."
"He was a complete nerd! And a pest! I just gave him the number to get him
to go away!"
"But it wasn't your number, was it? You gave him Sally Bennet's phone
number. Caused great embarrassment for both parties when he called her. Need I
go on?"
There was a long, long pause. Nancy couldn't think of what to say. Besides,
this had to be a rum and eggnog induced dream, right?
"Good, good. Schedule A it is. You know, it ends up much worse if you elect
to appeal. OK, boys," Santa called out. "Get to work."
In quick succession three whisps of smoke puffed out of the spectral
fireplace to materialize as three elves.
The elves dashed past Nancy, seeming to grab tools out of thin air as they
did so. They ran to the bedroom doorway. There they stopped. One knelt down at
either side of the door frame while the third seemed to run right up the frame
until he was standing horizontally, defying gravity. Each first drilled a hole,
one near the bottom of each side of the door frame and one at the very top
center. Then quickly an eyebolt was screwed into the hole.
Finished with their task, the elves dashed back to stand around Nancy.
Santa smiled, laid a finger up alongside his nose and gave with a nod.
With a start Nancy realized her nightshirt had just disappeared. She looked
down in surprise at her suddenly naked body. With another start she realized her
pubic hair had also vanished.
"What....???" she started to say and went to cover herself with her hands.
The elves were upon her in a flash. Before she knew it her wrists had been
bound together and two of the elves were leading her over to the doorway while
the third was behind her, tiny hands pushing against her rump. Once they had her
positioned in the doorway the elf behind her bounded up onto her shoulders. One
of the other elves passed up the end of the rope that bound Nancy's wrists. He
quickly passed the rope through the eyebolt at the top of the door frame.
Then, still holding the end of the rope he leapt off her shoulders to swing
around in front of her, his weight, which seemed to have suddenly increased
greatly, pulling her arms over her head. The elf swung back and forth several
times, finally landing back on her shoulders. He tied the rope off and leapt off
her shoulders again, turning a somersault in mid-air, and landed on the floor in
front of her. Then he dashed between her widespread legs, which had been tied
off to the eyebolts at the bottom of the door frame.
"Let me explain something here before we get going," Santa said,
positioning himself behind Nancy and about ten feet away. "You may have wondered
how Santa makes it all over the world in one night. It's quite simple. We tinker
with time. Right now we're occupying the thinnest slice of a second. Outside
this apartment time is, relatively, standing still. Coincidentally, this means
you can scream all you want and no one will hear you. However, if you decide to
call me bad names I may have to increase your punishment."
Santa reached into his bag and pulled out a coiled whip.
"So, Nancy," Santa said, "I suppose like everyone you've wondered how I get
reindeer to fly. They're really quite lazy beasts, you know. They'd like nothing
better than to just hang around the stable munching hay and getting snockered on
eggnog. But if you know how to handle them you can get them to do the most
amazing feats. Like flying and pulling a sled behind them while they do it.
Allow me to demonstrate."
Nancy twisted around so she could look over her shoulder. Santa had begun
working the whip, making the tip fly back and forth over his head.
"Before we begin let me just say this is quite a treat. I spend the whole
night looking at eight reindeer butts. I must say yours is much cuter. Anyway,
the technique for making reindeer fly goes like this."
There was a pause. Nancy heard a high pitched whistling sound. Then Santa's
voice boomed out.
"On Donder!"
Whap. The tip of the whip bit into Nancy's right butt cheek. Nancy was too
surprised to do anything, even cry out. This was the most realistic nightmare
she'd ever had. And the most painful.
"On Dasher!"
Whap! The left butt cheek took a stinging blow. This time Nancy let out a
yelp.
"On Prancer and Blitzen!" Whap, whap. A right and a left. There was a
pause.
"You know, that really is a great ass you've got," Santa said. "It jiggles
just like a bowl of jelly."
"On Comet!" Whap! "On Cupid!" Whap! "On Dancer!" Whap! "On Vixen!" Whap!
"And that, dear Nancy, is how you get reindeer to fly."
She heard the whip settle to the floor with a sound like a length of rope
dropping to the ground. Then there was rustling, scraping sound as Santa coiled
it. Nancy breathed a sigh of relief that it was over.
"Let's see, did I leave anyone out?" Santa stroked his beard. "Oh, yeah.
Turn her around boys."
The elves scurried forward and untied her ankles. They spun Nancy around,
so she was facing Santa, then quickly tied her ankles again. Two of the elves
picked up large candy canes and hooked them inside Nancy's knees. They pulled
back putting all their weight into it, spreading her legs wide.
Santa began swinging the whip, easily. The tip snaked back and forth. Nancy
watched it, eyes wide with fright.
"And one for Rudolph," Santa cried.
The tip of the whip rocketed towards Nancy. It landed with a sharp,
stinging blow directly on her naked, exposed pussy. She screamed and jerked
back, convulsively trying to close her legs. The two elves holding the candy
canes went flying across the floor.
Santa replaced the whip in his bag and settled himself in the easy chair.
He dug into the cookies again.
The three elves had gathered around the bag also. They rummaged around
briefly. Then two of them pulled out large nutcrackers, in the form of a prince
or soldier. The type of nutcracker always associated with "The Nutcracker
Suite".
They slowly approached Nancy, each holding up his nutcracker. When they
were about five feet away the jaws of the nutcrackers began opening and then
snapping shut, as if of their own accord. Nancy didn't like the implications of
that at all.
"Get away from me!" she shouted. "Go away! Shoo! Shoo! Stop right where you
are you sawed off little bastards!"
But they didn't stop. Helplessly Nancy watched as they approached, clearly
aiming the snapping jaws at her nipples.
"Ouch! Son of a....!" Nancy shouted as the nutcrackers simultaneously
squished her nipples.
"Now remember what I said about bad language," Santa admonished her.
She could only glare back at him, tears streaming from eyes, the
nutcrackers hanging painfully from her breasts. She was so mad at him that she
didn't notice the third elf until he was ready to shove a candy cane up her.
"No you don't, you runt!" Nancy yelled.
But it did no good of course. The elf planted the candy cane deeply, then
scampered back with the others to Santa's bag. They rummaged around again and
returned, each with a digital camera, and began snapping pictures.
"They like to keep a collection, you know," Santa explained. "OK, guys.
Let's wrap it up."
The elves returned the cameras, nutcrackers and candy canes to Santa's bag.
They released Nancy, who could only stand in the middle of the room, stunned and
sore. The eyebolts were unscrewed, stowed back in the bag. The holes where they
had been seemed to fill in and disappear on their own.
"Well, we're just about finished here," Santa said. He looked around the
room. His gaze stopped at the small potted Christmas tree on Nancy's coffee
table.
"Somehow, that tree just doesn't look right," Santa said, studying the tiny
Christmas tree Nancy had placed on her coffee table. "I know. It needs an angel
on top. Boys, get to work."
The elves picked up the tree and placed it in the center of the living room
floor. It suddenly grew from barely a foot tall to two and a half feet. One of
the elves removed the tiny star that crowned the tree. In its place he put a
large, thick dildo. The dildo was covered with bumps and ridges.
The elves scurried over to Nancy and began to maneuver her into position
straddling the tree. She seemed somehow unable to resist them as they bound her
wrists behind her back. Once she was centered Santa laid a finger alongside of
his nose and gave nod.
Nothing happened.
"Oops, sorry," he said. 'Wrong side."
He laid a finger alongside the other side of his nose and gave a nod. The
tree began to grow quickly. Nancy felt the dildo forcing its way into her. At
the same time two of the lower branches grew outward, the ends wrapping around
and seizing her ankles in a tight grip. She was lifted off the floor. The tree
stopped growing when she was a foot off the floor.
The elves came forward, each of them carrying an ornament. With a gravity
defying bound one leapt onto the shoulders of another. The pair tottered
forwards, the elf on top reaching for her nipple. She looked closely at the
ornament, a large green globe. It had what appeared to be a common ornament hook
on it. But the tip of the hook gleamed oddly. It had been sharpened to a needle
point.
The elf lunged forwards and seized her right nipple in his hand. He leaned
back, stretching the nipple out. Then, like a mountain climber planting an ice
axe, he swung the ornament hook downwards with all his might. Nancy screeched,
half in pain and half in surprise. The elf vaulted backwards, performing a
somersault and landing on his feet, arms upraised and spread like a gymnast
after a successful dismount.
The second elf, carrying a red globe, leapt up and grabbed Nancy's left
nipple. Holding on with one hand, tiny fingernails digging in painfully, he
braced his feet again her belly and leaned back, stretching her nipple out.
Like the other ornament, the hook on this one had also been sharpened. The elf
set the point against the flesh of Nancy's nipple, then put all his weight
behind it, driving it through the nipple. Nancy screeched this time from the
pain, while the elf flew off backwards. He missed his landing and collided with
one of the other elves.
The third elf now produced his ornament, a multi-pointed star. The points
looked very sharp. It didn't take much imagination to see where he was planning
to hang it. Nancy was ready to start screaming obscenities at the nasty little
creature as he reached for her crotch. Then she saw that instead of a hook the
ornament had a clip like an alligator clip. How bad could that be? It had to be
better than the hooks.
The elf spread the jaws of the clip and slipped it over her Nancy's
clitoral hood. Then he let the jaws snap shut. Nancy screeched again. The jaws
must have been lined with small needles! And the ornament itself could have been
made of lead from the way it stretched her tender bit of flesh.
Santa laughed, a rolling, booming laugh that echoed around the apartment.
He picked up a digital camera and snapped several shots of the redecorated
Christmas tree.
"Oh, I almost forgot," he said. "You still get a lump of coal."
Two of the elves approached her, wicked grins on their tiny faces. One held
up an irregular lump, dull black in color. Nancy had been raised with central
heat and thermostats. She had never actually seen a lump of coal in real life.
She assumed that must be what it was. The other elf carried a heavy candy cane.
They split apart and walked behind her, one going around either side. She
felt small hands spreading her butt cheeks. They couldn't! They wouldn't! She
felt something cold and rough against her anus.
"No!" she screamed. "Don't you dar...aaaaaiiiiiieeeeeeee!!!!!!!"
She screamed as the candy cane was used as a ramrod to shove the lump of
coal deep inside her.
The two elves marched out from behind her, one shouldering the candy cane
like a gun.
"Well, time to be going," Santa said, checking his Palm Pilot. "Got Robert
Downey, Jr. coming up shortly and believe me taking care of him is really going
to put a dent in my time budget."
He turned to the elves.
"Let's go, guys. Back to the sleigh."
The three elves dashed towards the fireplace, each in turn diving head
first towards the flames and seeming to transform into puffs of smoke which were
sucked up the chimney. Finally Santa walked up to the fireplace. He turned and
winked at Nancy.
"Now Nancy, you be a good girl next year," he said. "And have a Merry
Christmas."
He laid a finger aside of his nose and gave with a nod. In the twinkling of
an eye he had vanished up the chimney. No sooner had he gone than the fireplace
and chimney seemed to fold in upon itself, roll up towards the ceiling, and
disappear. The room faded to black.
Nancy awoke Christmas morning with a throbbing head, courtesy of the rum
laced eggnog. With a start she remembered the night's happenings. Or thought she
remembered. She threw back the covers and pulled up her nightshirt. Nothing
unusual. She got out of bed and did an inspection of her bottom in the mirror.
No unusual marks. Though, she thought with a bit of satisfaction, as bottoms go
it is a pretty good bottom.
She walked through the living room and kitchen, looking for anything out of
place. Nothing seemed amiss. So it had all been a dream. Boy, she was going to
have to watch that eggnog next year. She didn't want anymore Santa nightmares
like that one.
She went through her morning routine, showered, toweled herself off. Then
she went to the dresser and removed a pair of pantyhose. She slipped one leg in.
She stopped suddenly, pulled the leg back out and turned the pantyhose inside
out. A lump of coal fell to the floor. (You saw that coming , didn't you? Merry
Christmas to all and to all good night.)
The End
Copyright is claimed by the author. If you found this amusing permission is
granted to copy for non-commercial uses.
