MY MORNING WITH VICTOR
By V.P. Viddler
"This room is soundproof, as you know," Victor said. "You can shout as much as
you want. I don't mind. I don't mind at all."
"Victor," I said. "If I can do anything at all--"
"No," Victor said. "You can't. So don't ask. All right?"
"But--"
"No," Victor said. "Now if you do what I say and do it right you can go back
tonight. Still living."
"I'll do anything," I said.
"I know that," Victor said. "But I'm talking about tonight. You can't do
anything about what I'm going to do this morning."
"I'm afraid," I said. "I'm so afraid. Can't I do anything to stop it?"
"If you don't stop asking that, it's going to cost you a lot," Victor said. "And
you might not go back at all. Is that what you want?"
"No," I said quickly. "I'm sorry, Victor. I'm sorry. It's just that I'm so
afraid."
"I know," Victor said. "That's good."
"I can't stand pain," I said.
"Too bad," Victor said. "Too bad you didn't think about that on Friday."
"I'm sorry," I said. "If I could do anything to undo that--"
"You can't," Victor said. "All you can do now is know pain for it. A lot of
pain. I'm good at causing pain. You probably know that. And I'm going to show
you how good I am at it. I'm going to do that all morning. And I'm going to find
a lot of joy in it. I'm going to punish you for what you did, and I'm going to
show you how you won't want to do it again. It's going to hurt you a lot, and
I'm going to do it slowly, and I'm going to absorb all your pain and all your
agony and all your shouting and twisting and crying and passing out and waking
up and all that horror--"
"Oh god," I said, and I was shaking and almost sobbing. "Oh god, oh god, I
can't, Victor, I won't, I'm sorry, I'll--
"But I'm not going to kill you," Victor said. "Not this morning. And not at all
if you do what I say, and do it right. In your pain and agony and horror. But if
you don't, I'll do it all again. Only it will go on for days. And then I'll kill
you."
"I'll do it," I said. "Anything. Anything, Victor, I'll do it good, I'll--"
"I'll find that out," Victor said. "But first, this morning. I think you should
probably strip your clothing off now."
I was shaking. "All right," I said. "All right, Victor. I'll do what you say."
And I took off my clothing for him.
Until now, Victor had not known my body without clothing. Now it was his to look
at, his to command. His to hurt. Victor was going to put this body through awful
agonizing horror, and I was standing and stripping it for him. I did it slowly
and thoroughly. Taking off all my clothing. Baring my body for him. Knowing this
body was his to punish; that Victor would soon bind it, tightly and painfully. I
did not know how, if I would hang by my wrists, kicking vainly, body twisting in
air; or lying tautly bound to four posts, arms pulling tightly, thighs
straining, body writhing; or arching agonizingly, bosom thrusting toward who
knows what approaching pain; or straddling a thin bar, thighs far apart, hands
bound in back, hair bound also, holding up my body but allowing it to sit fully
on that thin wood bar knifing into my vagina; and Victor watching, happily
absorbing it all, my agony making him want my body, knowing it would bow to him,
do anything for him, to him; loving my pain and adding to it with-- what?
Whipping? Probably. Burning? Possibly. Stabbing, ripping, slow mutilation? But
Victor had said I would go back. If I was good to him. In my pain. Through my
agony. If I would crawl for him and squirm for him and fuck for him and suck him
with my mouth. I would do all that. I did not know if that was all. I was afraid
of what Victor might want, for I did not know if I could do it if--if this
morning was--oh god, this morning. I took it all off and stood still for him.
"Now," Victor said. "I want only truth. All right?"
"All right."
"Only truth," Victor said. "I will know if it isn't."
I could only nod.
"Now. What is it that you most of all do not want Victor to do to you? Most of
all. I must know."
"Don't ask that," I said. "You can't ask that. You can't."
"I'm asking," Victor said.
I was crying.
Victor was waiting.
And finally I told him.
And Victor did it.
For hours.
I could not pass out. I could not pass out. I was crying and howling and
writhing and twisting and squirming and babbling and kicking and squalling and
flailing. For hours. All morning long. But Victor was just starting. His morning
was not our morning. His morning was all day.
"Will you do it again?" Victor said, smiling.
"No," I said. If I could talk. "No. No."
"What about that man," Victor said. "That man you did it all for, that you said
you would do anything for, what about him?"
"I'll kill him for you," I said. "If you stop this I'll kill him for you. I
will."
"If I stop this," Victor said, going on with it, "how will you kill him?"
"I will cut his balls off," I said. "God, if you don't do it again I'll crush
his balls and I'll cut his thing off, slowly, and I'll bring it to you."
"You'll put it in your mouth," Victor said, going on with it.
"I w-will, I--Christ! I'll but it in my mouth and I'll grind it up and swallow
it."
"Start shouting again," Victor said, doing it so I would. Victor was good at
bringing out that kind of shouting, and did it a lot. "If you go back," Victor
said, "I want you to fuck Grossman."
I couldn't stand Grossman. Nobody could. Grossman was a pig, horrifying to look
at, sick-making to think about.
"I will," I said. "I will I will I will Victor don't god no stop I will I'll
fuck Grossman, I'll fuck him as much as you want, I'll suck him, I'll lick his
ass, I'll do anything, Victor, don't, stop, all right."
"Now I'll do this," Victor said. And did. I didn't think it would hurt as much.
I was wrong.
I was wrong a lot that day. My throat was raw. My body was nothing but throbbing
agony.
And that night I did it all for Victor. Again and again. All of it. Without
stopping. Victor using my body, my cunt, my mouth, my ass, my bosom. My mind and
my soul. My dignity, my will. All of it.
At dawn Victor said I could go.
"Thank you, Victor," I said.
"Go to Grossman," Victor said. "Now."
"All right, Victor," I said.
"And," Victor said, "show him how to do what I did to you."
"Oh," I said.
"All of it," Victor said.
"Must I do that?" I said.
"Do you want to stay?" Victor said.
"No," I said. "All right. I will show him. I will do it."
"I will think about you doing that," Victor said. "If Grossman says you didn't
do that, or that you didn't do anything Grossman says, and do it right, I'll
bring you back. For good."
"I will," I said. "May I go now, Victor?"
"Kiss my foot," Victor said, and I did...
