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Chapter 24: Darkness
Mariah did not know how long she suffered on the saw horse, how long she rocked from her clit to her tailbone on the thin slice of wood, bruising, bruising, bruising. After a time the pain in her shoulders was almost as great as the pain below, as she forced herself to keep position with her hands behind her neck, her fingers swelling in their desperate grip.
At last two dicks assisted her down. They helped her unfold her arms, and lay her on her front on a mat on the floor, where they massaged her shoulders, back, and arms. Mariah was too exhausted to move. "You're allowed to sleep now," one of the dicks said to her. They put a sheet on her. Mariah closed her eyes and fell into a sleep she could not distinguish from wakefulness.
***
After Amalie left, Gabriel, Rose, and Mariah as one riveted to study the picture Animal had painted, they now knew, of himself as a toddler, held by a slave woman, his father nearby, his mother with her back turned. Gabriel was the first to turn, speculatively, to Animal, who stood, arms crossed, feet wide, scowling. Mariah turned to him next, and, at last, Rose.
Into the silence Animal said, "Her name was Edelia." He took a step towards the picture he had painted. "She was my father's slave. He was fond of her and she . . . she was devoted to him." His voice caught, and his hands clenched. "And she was always kind to me."
He took a deep breath. "When my father became ill – it was a slow, wasting disease, at first his limbs shook, and then after a while he couldn't move," Animal said, looking at Gabriel, who nodded in confirmation, "she was always at his side. She did far more than her duty. When his time came, about five years ago, I was there, but it was Edelia who eased his passing."
"And your mother?" Gabriel asked quietly.
Animal gave a short, bitter laugh. "She cared nothing for us," he said. "Her only interest was the ponyboy races."
"It must have been very difficult for her," Gabriel said, "her place usurped."
Animal turned to him with a glare so stone cold that Gabriel took a step back. He spoke slowly, clearly. "After my father's funeral I got drunk. The next day, when I sobered up, I went back to their apartment to collect Edelia. I wasn't sure what I would do with her, but I planned to keep her with me until I figured it out – maybe the infirmary could use her help, or . . . " He trailed off, and then shook his head. "It didn't matter. By the time I came to their quarters, the day after the funeral, it was too late. My mother had . . . "
Animal couldn't continue. He stared from Gabriel to Rose to Mariah to the ground. At last he said, in a hoarse whisper, "My mother had sent her to the dogs."
And suddenly Rose was in front of him, and her arms were around him, and he was leaning into her. He sobbed, once, and pulled back, hastily wiping his eyes.
He cleared his throat. "And now my mother's dead, too," he said. He added, in a fierce whisper, "And if my loathing of her hastened her journey, so much the better."
***
Mariah awoke to activity around her. A group of slaves sat on the floor near her, eating gruel from wooden bowls. In the nearby kitchen area, others were clattering pots and spoons as they washed them.
Mariah began to sit up, but grunted as her sore shoulders reminded her of yesterday's torture. A cunt glanced at her but shrugged and looked away, uninterested.
Mariah struggled up. She picked up the sheet that had covered her throughout the night, wondering what to do with it. The cunt who had glanced at her pointed with her thumb to a basket against the wall. "Put it over there," she said, and turned away again.
Mariah flushed. That cunt had seen her the day before, knew that she had been punished for lack of control, seen her spanked and molested and forced to come while being tortured.
Mariah couldn't look at her, or any of the other slaves. They must be disgusted by her weakness.
She placed the sheet in the basket, keeping her legs wide as she walked, pulsing with pain from the day before. Glancing around, she located a cauldron of gruel and nearby bowls and spoons. She served herself, still not looking at anyone.
Mistress Dominique clapped her hands. Mariah followed the other slaves as they made their way to the center of the large room, where Mariah had been tortured the day before.
A dick knelt before the Mistress. He was thin but muscular. Mistress Dominique placed her hand on his head, flattening his black corkscrew curls. "Tell them what you did, Bini," she ordered.
Bini's eyes filled with tears. "I . . ." he said, but turned to look at Mistress Dominique. Her face was implacable, merciless. Bini turned back to his fellow slaves. "I touched myself," he spat out. The tears overflowed his eyes. "I was asleep. I didn't know I was doing it. Please, mistress . . ."
Mariah suddenly realized there was nothing unusual about her humiliation the day before. It was just part of the mindgame. It was foolish to be embarrassed. Her every action, every feeling of pleasure and pain, had been forced on her by Mistress Dominique, just as Bini would be tortured now for an action over which he had no control.
Mariah looked surreptitiously around. There were about twenty slaves in the room. Mistress Dominique and the younger woman who looked like her were the only humans. They could not control all the slaves all the time.
Mariah vowed to seek out those times when the humans could not control her, to make the most of them, to exercise her will. But, feeling Mistress Dominique's eyes on her, she looked obediently back at Bini, who cowered and sobbed.
***
As Rose and Mariah left the revel room, Rose laden with several wooden palettes Animal had ordered her to clean, Animal touched Gabriel's sleeve. "I need to harvest juniper berries for a green pigment," he said. "Walk with me?"
Gabriel raised his eyebrows in surprise. "I wouldn't have thought to ask you. I've been needing the berries myself, to replenish my supply of arthritis serum"
Animal bowed with a sarcastic flourish before turning to the storage closet to grab two baskets. Handing one to Gabriel, he led him through the door that was beneath the first panel of the mural. As they walked across the lawn both men were quiet, lost in their own thoughts.
Animal finally said, "About Amalie . . ." He tugged at his beard. "There's nothing between us. She's an old friend, almost like a sister."
"I could see that," Gabriel said. "I'm glad for you that she has returned."
Animal reddened slightly as he said, "So you didn't turn her down on my account?"
Gabriel began to laugh, but stopped himself when he saw Animal's worried expression. "No," he said. "I just wasn't interested."
Animal's worried look deepened. "Why not? She's beautiful, vivacious . . ."
Gabriel frowned. "As are many women here," he said evenly. "I'm just not interested."
They had reached the road that circled the lawn. As they crossed it, Animal said, "I'm worried about you." He picked at a stray straw that poked up from the handle of the basket he carried.
Gabriel raised his eyebrows but said nothing. They walked in silence for a few minutes, until Animal took a deep breath and said, "You won't fuck slaves, and I know you haven't fucked any humans since you arrived, I would have heard the gossip . . ."
Gabriel exhaled quickly. He flushed, but whether from annoyance or embarrassment Animal did not know. Animal pressed on, "It's not healthy. You must be bursting."
Gabriel stopped walking. He said, too evenly, "My sex life is none of your concern, even in this place. I'm neither your your lover nor your patient. Nor your slave," he added darkly.
Animal entered onto a path through the kitchen gardens. "Of course not. You’re my . . ." He broke off, struggling to find the right word, and then said instead, "The Bearer told me to take care of you."
Gabriel refrained from retorting that the Bearer had told Rose, not Animal, to take care of him. He followed Animal into the gardens, but stopped at a large planter containing mint. He plucked a sprig and crushed it in his fingers, using the pretense of smelling it to inhale deeply, steadying himself. Animal waited for him, pinching off a sprig of mint himself and rolling it between his fingers. Gabriel said, finally, "Set yourself at ease that my choices are my own. I won't make love to any mistress, whether your friend or not."
Animal blinked several times in rapid succession. "So that's it, is it?" he said. "I didn't pick up on it, but then, you're an outlander . . ."
"I've made no secret of it," Gabriel said shortly.
Neither of them said anything for a minute. Animal began walking again, but was staring off to the horizon as if searching for a particular cloud. Gabriel followed, equally silent.
At last Animal said, his voice strained, "My interests don't go that way, I'd need to be on the receiving end . . ."
Gabriel looked confused, and then he realized what Animal was offering. "No, I didn't . . ." Then he stopped, his anger and embarrassment dissipating. He craned his neck so he could check out Animal's backside. "Well, it's nice and plump," he said, "and if your interests don't go that way you're probably good and tight . . ."
Animal blanched, and Gabriel burst out laughing. "Your virtue is safe with me," he said. "My interests don't go that way either."
Animal let out a sigh of relief. He unconsciously put his free hand behind him as he asked, "But you said . . . you're not interested in women either."
Gabriel was still laughing a little, but he responded, mock-seriously, "Surely you know there are some people who have little sex drive? It's a well-known medical phenomenon."
Animal looked at Gabriel uncertainly. "You're kidding again, right?" he said.
Gabriel nodded. "I'm kidding again," he assured Animal with a rueful smile.
Animal shook his head. He held up his forefinger. "You don't fuck slaves, you told me that yesterday," he said. He held up his middle finger next to his forefinger. "You like women." He held up his ring finger. "You like sex." He held up his pinkie and waved his hand in a chopping motion. "You've got to fuck human women, then."
"No!" Gabriel said angrily. When Animal startled at his tone, he continued, "To make love to a rapist? Give comfort to a torturer? I could never . . ." His eyes watered with the aggravation, the despair, he had felt almost every moment since crossing the gate into Riviera. "I'd die first," he said, his voice low.
They had reached the stand of juniper trees. Animal put his hand on Gabriel's basket, stopping him from reaching for the light blue berries that hung in bunches. "Look, I feel for you. But you can't keep your seed inside you. It's poison."
Gabriel rolled his eyes. "I assure you, my needs are met."
Animal frowned. "How?" he demanded testily. "You're fucking neither slave nor woman nor man . . ."
"Rose could tell you," Gabriel said tersely as he moved around Animal and began to pluck the berries.
"Oh . . ." Animal said, his voice strained. "Of course. I thought . . ."
"Oh, for . . ." Gabriel said. "I'm no more making love to Rose than I'm lusting after you." Animal looked relieved, then confused again. Gabriel continued, "I meant that she changes my sheets."
When realization dawned on Animal he took a step away from Gabriel, dropping his basket with a thud. "You touch yourself?" he said, horrorstruck.
Gabriel nodded, trying to be grave. "Fairly often, and quite well," he said.
Animal took another step away from him, holding up his hands as if to ward Gabriel away. "You shouldn't . . . You'll go blind."
Gabriel held up his own hands, his palms facing in. "Look," he said, "No hair on my knuckles, either."
Animal shook his head animatedly. "It's wrong, I tell you," he said. "If you don't want to be with a human, find a slave to service you. What you're doing is revolting." Indeed, Animal looked as though he might be ill. "I can't bear to think of it."
"Then don't," Gabriel advised. He continued to pick the berries. But then his hand stilled. "Are slaves forbidden from pleasuring themselves?" he asked.
"Of course!" Animal said. "How could we control them if . . . " He stopped, suspicious. "What are you planning?" he demanded.
Gabriel ignored his question and continued to harvest berries. Animal slowly added berries to his own basket. When their hands accidently touched as they both reached for the same bunch of berries, Animal jumped back. Gabriel sighed. He said, "Animal, as a healer, I promise you that what you've been taught, it's not true--no more than . . . so many other things you believe here. Please, trust me that I'm fine?" he asked. When Animal didn't respond Gabriel looked over to him. "And I promise that if I'm not, I'll reconsider your fine, plump . . ."
"Okay, okay," Animal cut him off, shuddering. "I get it. You're fine."
When Gabriel's basket was full and Animal's much less than full, the two men started back through the kitchen gardens. Gabriel carried his basket easily; Animal lugged his. Before they reached the road, Animal set his basket down and massaged his shoulder with his opposite hand.
"Um," he began. Gabriel looked over with raised eyebrows. "I know customs are different in Harmony, no slaves and all that, but over there do you . . ." Gabriel waited in silence, neither encouraging or discouraging Animal. "I mean . . . you do have sex there, right? You're not a . . ." and his voice dropped to a whisper, "a virgin?"
Gabriel choked out a laugh. "No," he said, and added, "although no doubt I lack your breadth of experience."
Animal pondered this. "Then no doubt you make up for it in depth?" he asked, as he picked up his basket and led Gabriel across the road.
Gabriel shrugged. "I was with the same woman for a couple of years. We thought about getting joined, not long ago."
"Why didn't you?" Animal asked.
Gabriel sighed. "When Katie proposed, it didn't feel right. My father told me he knew he should join with my mother when he realized that he wanted to share with her his dark side -- the things in the depths of his soul that made him ashamed."
Animal thought about this. "Did you think she couldn't have handled your darkness?"
Gabriel shook his head. "She could have handled it," he said. "She was great." He trailed off.
"What then?" Animal asked. They had reached the steps to the mansion and started to climb them.
Gabriel said, "I realized I didn't love her enough to . . .. The thought of doing that work with her . . . it just made me tired."
"And then you volunteered to come here," Animal said.
Gabriel nodded, and laughed self-deprecatingly. "A journey to escape my darkness to a place where darkness is inescapable."
"That's not . . ." Animal started to say. But he shrugged, and held the door to the mansion open to Gabriel.
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