Quadrille

Quadrille

By Brewt.Blacklist

November-December 2010

I. Pantalon: Couch

ALRIGHT, SHOW of hands. Who really doesn't hate their jobs. I mean, c'mon. The job is just to keep the bills happy, and keeping them happy keeps the girl happy, so she doesn't make your life miserable, because, as it turns out, you aren't what made her happy at all; it was all the other crap she wanted. Cars, houses, kids, food, pets, constant entertainment, and no, just leave me alone, not tonight, my god, is that the only thing you want, is that all I mean to you, and don't look at me like that, it makes me feel bad, and that doesn't help your cause at all. Maybe later. Yeah, right. Maybe much later. It's a kind of extortion.

The knots we tie ourselves up into to get that one thing, that one little few-minute thing that every institution we're involved in goes way too far out of its way to extinguish, because we wouldn't want to offend the little girl who used to act like a friend who actually cared about you but at some point when you weren't looking changed her mind and decided you were nothing more than a creepy old guy and complained to management that you were bothering her when you smiled at her when you said hello which she always used to return, whose only recourse was threaten you with sexual offender status because what else can we do and no, you can't talk to her anymore, and you need to go to counseling and get straightened out and why can't you fly right, shall we call your wife, wouldn't she like to know what your co-workers think about you, no, there's nothing you can say in your defense, I mean, even if we believed she's making this stuff up, she had to have a good reason to target you, so something had to have happened and we need to assure ourselves that you are safe to keep around. Now go.

Shitfuck. And it's not just the job. Pretty much everywhere doesn't want to know what's going on in your pants. Yuck, how disgusting. Wouldn't we be better off if you didn't bring it up all the goddamn time in pretty much every sentence you use, oh, really, what about the whole playing with a pencil thing you got caught at church doing, and it would behoove you to get your mind out of the gutter and onto the really important things like what does god want from you, and no, he has no interest in your efforts to re-enact the propagation of the species you obviously managed to pull off twice without us having to know or watch which would have made us throw up just to think about so we remain proper and avoid talking about it or thinking about it or my god no, you can't take care of it yourself that's even more disgusting, don't you know that's a sin that the lord god almighty smote people for and why aren't you just over it yet, I mean, really, grow the fuck up. And stop bringing it the fuck up.

And it's not like growing up made anything any easier. Mother was a cold hearted bitch that always made sure to embarrass me whenever I needed a hug, and aw, does her little baby boy needs a hug, okay that's enough, go play in the street, go on now, be a big boy, oh, and son, would you like to explain this, what, don't you have anything to say, you shouldn't think about women like this, they're not toys, they are what gave you life and you need to have more respect for all women everywhere, I am so ashamed you would even look at anything like this, oh god, please tell me you aren't masturbating, especially to this filth, are you, well, don't let me ever think you are or there will be real hell to pay, just wait until your father finds out what you've been hiding under your bed, you'll be lucky to sit or even walk this week, now go to your room and pray to the lord to make you better than that, my god, what a disappointment you are, I thought I raised you better than that. Sure thing. Thanks, god. Thanks a lot.

"Mr. Andrews?"

"Hmm?"

"Our time is up. Until next week. Please see the receptionist on your way out to schedule. And I'm sorry to have to bring it up, but there's something about a bill. Yes. Thank you. Goodbye."

II. Été: Sidewalk

I TRUDGED up the walk knowing what to expect. Yet another evening of stress and walking on eggshells. She'll be annoyed that I'm bothering her, and why are you late, and she hasn't thought about dinner yet, and would you please get the dog to shut up. She'll have a headache. Her day will be all we talk about, because she's had enough of the drama from my work. So don't even bring it up. We'll watch what she wants to on TV.

Just once. That's all I ask. I could probably go for another, ha ha, decade if it could happen just once.

"Oh darling, I've missed you. Did you have a hard day? Come in, sit down. Let me take your coat. No, don't get up. I've poured you a drink. Here, honey. I'm so glad to see you, let me take off your shoes. Mmmm. Can you put that down for minute? I have something to tell you. I love you. Mmmm. Mmmm. No, the children aren't home right now. Are you busy? Let me see what's in here. Oh, dinner'll wait a little bit, don't you think? Oh, god, yes. Hhhhh. Mmmm Mmmmmnnghghk ngyk mmmm ngyk mmmm you taste good, is this alright? Do you still like this? I do. I've been thinking of doing this all day. Mmm yeah, I've been bad, too. Dreaming of this made me so I just couldn't completely wait, and yes, I've been playing with myself today, no, I haven't cum yet, I wanted to wait for you, would you like to see? Would you like that? Because I'd do that for you. Mmmmm, god you're big, Ngyk ngyk ngyk ngyk mmmm. I think I have too many clothes on. Stay. I want you to see what I have on. All the way down. Ohh. Do you still like it? I still want you to want me. Mmmm. Hang on. I've got to do this a little more. Mmm ngyk ngyk ngyk ngyk hhhhhh. Aaahhhh are you going to fuck me? Let me take this off, too. I love you, baby. It's been too long. Let me get that for you, oh, god, that's better, isn't it, just like when, well, you remember. Mmmm ngyk ngyk ngyk, hhaa, mmmm. Touch me there. There, oh, god, yes, oohhhhh, lie back, mmmm ngyk ngyk ngyk mmmm, hhhh, aaah, yes, god yes, hhhohh, hhhohhh, hhahhh, wait, wait, wait, I want you to do something. Yeah, It's something I know you want, uh, huh, sit up, please, mmmm, it'll be worth it, I promise, hang on. Here. Yeeaahh. That. I know you like that. I do, too. I've been waiting for this part all day, too, and can you tell I'm wet? Oh, god, yes. Tighter. Tighter. I can still move over here, get those, too. Ohhh. God, yeah, I love this, I can't move, you can do anything you want to me, Oofff. Oh. Ohhhmmmmm. Hhhhh. Uugghh. Listen. One more thing. Hhhh. Look at me. Do you want to do it? It-it would be okay. You can do it if you want to. I'd . . . I'd like it. I've never told you this, but, it, it's, like, a fantasy that I will totally deny if you ever tell anyone. But . . . c'mon. Get it. While you're fucking me. Just pull it out of the loops. Yeah. Do it. Do it. DO IT. You know where. I love you. Aaahhh oohhh, yyeah, I want, I want you inside me while you do it, again, Ugggh, yes, yes, it hurts, yes, Ahhh gggoooodddd, fuck me, UUggghh, fucfuckfuck, yes, AArrgh, Hhooohhh, ARRGH godFUCK yeah, uuff, hhh, more more, yesssaarrcgchfghch, aAHAHHHH, Ahh, AHHAHHHH FUCK ME! HIT ME! FUCKME! HARDER YOU BASTARD! YES! YES! AGAIN! OOOFFF AHFUCK!!! GOD YES I LLLLOOOVVE YOOOOOOUUUU!!!!!! HAHHHHHH!!!"

Doorclick. "You're late. Will you please shut the damn dog up? I swear. I haven't even thought about dinner yet. Will you take care of that? Really? Thanks, honey. What's on tonight?"

III. Poule: Traffic

THERE ARE mornings I cannot get out of there fast enough. Just a quick perfunctory peck is all that's left of all the passion we used to have that I miss every damn day. Yes, she pushed me away again. God, it hurts when she does that, and the little hypocritical bitch denies she's even doing anything. Then she blames me for making things worse by bringing it, the "it", up yet again, making her feel guilty because she just can't bring herself to do anything like that right now, and don't you have to go, jeese, why won't this fucking dog be quiet, go on, I'll see you tonight, yeah, yeah, we'll see how I feel, goodbye, have a good day. Mwah.

Traffic is as it always is, a total fucking whore and there's nothing but shit on the radio. At least I can pretend the little tramp from the office is better now.

No, I'm not mad at you any more. Really. C'mon baby. Lean over here, and give me a kiss. Mmmm, that's it. I like that. We're gonna be here a while, so, why don't you entertain me a little. Yeah, I do mean like that. It'll be alright; no, they can't see in. Tint. Yes, I am serious. C'mon . . . Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, we're not going anywhere. Let me. I want to feel. Oh, god, that's good. I love this. You are so beautiful. Oh. No, let me do it. Yeah. You know you want to. Do it. Hmmm. Open that, too. I don't remember this. When will my name show up there? Naw, ha ha, I'm kidding. Does that feel good? I like it. Pull that aside. I want to hold it. Roll it around a little. Do you like that? I do. It feels amazing. Listen, I'm going to pull a little, just a little, no, I'm not trying to hurt you, just giving you a little thrill while we wait, Mmmm. Yeah. I love that expression on your face. That's the most beautiful thing there is, to see that effect, let yourself go, yeah, mmmm, yes, mmm, the other one, too. Go ahead, it's alright. I like to see that. I like helping with that. Here. Let me there, too. Yes. No, really? Fine, I'll just do this until you let me. Tug, tug, twist, push, roll, tug, touch, let go, ahhh, that's the sound I've been waiting for. Yes. Yes. More. Again. Oh, yeah, baby, if you insist, hhhhhh, Jesus, you're wet. No, that's not the least bit bad, is it? Oh, Ahhh. I could do this all day. You? Yeah? Maybe we should skip work and just go find a place and do this instead, yeah, oh, so soft. You're shuddering. You'll let me know, won't you. Because I want to know. Wouldn't want to miss it. Mmmm. Hang on. Fuck, you taste good. More. More. You're going to need to change your panties. Or better yet, just give them to me. Yeah, they're in the way. Take them off. Do it. Atta girl. That's better. Oh, yeah. Listen. Can you feel this? How 'bout this? I'm gonna barely touch you; let's see how far we can take it. Hhhh. Yeah. Say it again. Let it happen. You want it, I want it. I want you to. It's alright. Let them see. Come on, do it. Cum for me. Let it happen. Yes. Yes. Oh, yeah. God, I want to fuck you. Aaahhhhh . . .

Fuck. Green light.

IV. Trénis: Pew

PRAISE GOD from whom all blessings flow. Our father who art in heaven. Do this in remembrance of me. Love your neighbor as yourself. Yeah right. Love. The greatest of these is love. So says the minister.

"I'll love you. And I'll love you. And you. You. Let me show you. No, really. Stay. Just wait a moment, this robe is in the way. There. Surprise. God tells me to do this when I lie awake at night. I have an announcement: this is how we're going to do it; this is how we're going to show our love, right here, from now on. Join me. You know it's right. Yes. Everyone please stand, and take each other's hands. Do you feel it? Do you feel the person next to you? Move closer together, and reach up and put your arms around each other, one on each side. Yes. Praise god, yes. Now, all of you, become like me. Right here, right now. In fact, help each other. Help each other become like me, don't do yourself, let someone else bring you into our way, and you do the person next to you. Gently now, this is perfectly good and natural, it is as god intended. This is how Adam and Eve were; this is how we shall be, whenever we gather together. Don't be afraid. Yes, praise god, yes. Now reach out and touch each other. It is alright. Yes. Here, come up here, I'll show you. You touch me. Yes, there, too. And there. And I'll touch you. No, I won't spare this, either. Here. Here. Yes. All of you now. Touch everyone around you. Easily. Slowly. And a kiss. Greet each other with a holy kiss. Everyone. Yes, everyone. Not there. No, not there either. There. Where it matters. Oohhh, praise god, yes, there. Kiss each other until what god intended happens. Oohhh, god, dear god, wet, these are our, huhh, bodies, broken for you . . .”

In the name of the father, and the son, and the holy spirit. Amen.

"I saw you looking at me again. Pervert. Stop that. What is wrong with you?" whispered the minister as I shook her hand as we left. My wife was too busy gladhanding all her little bitties to notice how humiliated she would have been if she had first looked down when I stood up. Oh well. Thank god for small favors. Ha ha.

V. Pastourelle: Grave

SEVEN YEARS. It's been seven years to the day. Hi, mom. Howya been. The same? Ha ha, me, too. The kids are good. Hmm? No. not really.

Listen, get up. Come on, get up. 'Cause I want something. You can't possibly mind any more, can you? That's it. That's the way. Turn around. Just stand there. You know what I want. Yes, I do. What are you waiting for? You know how you're supposed to be for this. Just like I used to have to be. No, don't worry about the dress. It'll be fine. Just leave it there. That's it. Do you want to hang onto that? That'd be okay. Okay. Now hold still. Uuggh. Yes. One. Uggh. Two. Ugggh. Three. God, I love this. Uggh. Four. I'm sure it does. Get up. Now. Uggghh. Five. Ugggh. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. What are you doing? No, I won't stop. Get up. Do you want to lean over that? Of course it will, it's stone. Can you stay put if you do? Then do it. Where was I. Ah, yes. Ugghhh. Nine. Shut up. Ugghh. Ten. We got miles to go before we sleep. Ugghh. Eleven. Do you remember when you used to scold me for looking at women? Ugghh. Twelve. The way you didn't think I should? Ugghh. Thirteen. Well, you were right. Uggh. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen. Hhhhahhh. Huh. Yeah, I was doing just what you thought I was. Uggh. Seventeen. Ugghhh. Eighteen. And I still do it today. Uuggghhh. Nineteen. Every woman I meet. Ugghh. Twenty. What? How many? Why, until I'm tired of it, of course. You know what happens then, don't you? Stop crying, you deserve it. Ugghh. Twenty-one. You know you do, you bitch. Ugghh. Twenty One. Yes, you do. Ugghhh. Twenty Two. Oh, what do you mean, not there? Uggh. Twenty Three. Twenty Four. Twenty Five. Hhhuhhh, hhuhhh. I huuhhh, think there, huhhh, would be just fine. Ugggh. Twenty six. Seein's how I came out that other place, uggh. Twenty Seven. I should try to go back in the one I want, dontcha think? Ugghh Twenty Nine. Yeah. The one you reeaallly hated. Thirty. Thirty One. Shut the fuck up, you whore. Huuhhhh. Alright. First part's over. Round Two is right now. And if I don't like it, we'll go back to Round One for some more, until you get it fucking right. Quit it, or I'll slap you again. Yes, right god damn now. Uhhh, hold still, uhhh, god, you're tight, uugghhh, oh, oh, oh, yeah? Didn't Dad ever do this? Hm you little slut? Are you wet? Were you uh good to him? You'd better make this good now, uuhh, squeeze, no I don't care if it hurts, it's supposed to, uggh ughhh huh HhhHhhUh HUHHYEAH! YEAH UUHH!!!! HHhhh hhh uuhh, uh, uh. Hh . . .'bout god damn time, if ya ask me. Shut up. Lie back down right there where you belong, and shut up.

Look, I'm leaving the flowers. That's more than I'm doing for the cunt I live with, so appreciate it, wouldja? Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Love you, too. Stop crying.

VI. Finale: Couch

"WELL, IT'S obvious. Your not getting your needs met. How can you get through that?"

"Well, I don't know. Everyone and everything in my life says it's the one need that should be suppressed. You've seen how our society feels about old men. It's, you know, icky."

"If you don't find a way, one that is acceptable, you're going to explode."

"I'm sure I will."

"Is that the way you want it to be? If it were your kids who had this need, would you force onto them what's been forced onto you?"

"God, no."

"But now you're even doing it to yourself, and you're letting everyone around you keep you from getting what you need. Can't you see your way out of this?"

"Well, let's see, I could ignore what they're saying, and take what I want anyway. We both know how badly that would work out."

"I wouldn't suggest it. Oh, and it's a need, not a want."

"I could try some creative outlet, like writing, or something."

"Yes, that would help with some of the anger. But the need. The basic need to be touched. What can you do there?"

There was a pause.

"I could go find someone willing. But that'll pretty much shoot my marriage."

There was another pause, longer this time. And I could hardly hear her whisper.

"Not if she doesn't find out."