The Compound Part 14
Shawna sat in front of the fire, huddled under a blanket. The evening
had grown chilly so Shawna stoked and lit the wood in the stone fireplace,
bringing warmth and light to the room.
Behind her, Grady still lay asleep, although Ruthy and Patch had told
her that he had been active for a while during the evening. She missed
seeing him then because she had been otherwise engaged.
Right after dinner, one of Paul's deputies had come up to her to let her
know she had still to go to the stocks. Shawna had forgotten all about her
punishment schedule, and was surprised that she still had to do it at all.
Hadn't she just helped one of their own?
The guy was apologetic, but he insisted that she still had to do what
she had promised to do. So, her good mood blown, Shawna did her two hours
naked in the stocks, humiliated and angry.
Her mood was somewhat restored afterward though, as Vicky came by to
take her to the baths. After a good soak and an even better rub down from
Johan, she felt in much better spirits, but still didn't have that euphoric
feeling she had before.
Returning home, she found Patch and Ruthy; and after thanking them for
baby-sitting Grady, she finally found herself alone with her thoughts.
For a while, she watched the big man sleeping; but as the night grew
colder, she made up the fire, and that's where she was now.
Shawna stared at the flames and tried not to think, but it was hard.
Physically she felt better than she had for a long time; there was none of
that deep down ache she usually had when needing a fix of something. Yet
her thoughts were still on booze and drugs; and for the thousandth time
that day, she wondered where her knapsack was.
This was only a part of what was troubling her, though. Staring into
the flames reminded her of the crash, of that terrifying ride down the
mountain, and the fire afterwards. She could hear Dirk's screams in her
head, and for a moment, she buried her head between her knees in an attempt
to shut them out.
She began to think more about Dirk, but this time, instead of thinking
about how things had gone bad with him, she thought about the time when
everything was new.
Yes, there HAD been good times, times when he made her laugh, times when
he showed her what love could be like. Shawna knew that she had never been
in love with Dirk, but there were moments when she could have tried.
Lifting her head, she was aware of tears on her face, signs that she was
at last mourning the passing of a friend. He may have turned into a shit,
but at first...
She rubbed her eyes, then jumped as she heard a noise behind her.
It was Grady, standing nude in the firelight a few feet away.
"Hi," he said.
"Hey," Shawna replied, her voice unexpectedly rough with emotion. She
tried to gain control of herself. "How are you?"
"Tired, but I think I'm slept out for a while." Grady stepped forward
and sat down next to her on the pillows.
Shawna was quite conscious of his closeness, of his nudity. It was
something else she didn't want to think about.
"Getting colder," Grady said, "a fire was a good idea. The heat isn't
on yet in the Compound, although I expect now that we're getting into fall,
that will change soon."
"Heat? You get heat?" Shawna asked.
Grady smiled. "I'll explain it to you sometime."
Shawna looked away from him, staring once more at the fire.
Grady rubbed his arms for a moment. "It is kinda nippy still, do you
mind if we share?" He tugged at the blanket Shawna had wrapped around
herself, and she stared as he pulled a part of it away from her.
Underneath, all she wore was her loincloth; she'd put back the outfit
she took from the closet earlier. She was surprised when Grady slid up
right next to her and wrapped them both up in her blanket. His skin was
cold against hers, but warmed quickly, and she became even more aware of
how much of his skin was touching hers.
They sat like that for a little while, before Grady spoke once more.
"Cheryl and I were married for three years," he began, and he went on to
tell Shawna about how they met, fell in love, got married, and formed their
partnership. He told about how they tried to have kids, but had no luck;
he told of the fights they sometimes had and how they made up afterward;
and he told of the happy moments and heartbreaks that defined the rhythms
of their life together.
He spoke without interruption, Shawna listening quietly, and when he was
done, they sat in silence once more. Then it was Shawna's turn, and she
began to speak of things she never talked about.
Somehow, sitting skin to skin under a blanket in front of a roaring fire
with this man, it seemed right to talk. Right in a way she couldn't
understand. Out came her feelings about her father, and the tales of the
horrible things he had done in the name of discipline. Out came her
thoughts on her mother and the rest of her family, the non-people in her
life. A little hesitantly, but with growing confidence, out came the story
of Dirk and how he rescued her from her family, only to put her in a
different bondage, one forged with links of addiction.
She told him a lot of things, but did not tell him of the robbery and
the crash, or of Dirk's death. But what she said was more than she had
ever told anyone before, and soon her entire life was spread out before
them.
When she was done, again there was silence, before Grady spoke once
more.
"Thank you," he said.
Shawna nodded slowly.
Under the blanket, Grady put an arm around her, and Shawna melted into
his embrace. She hadn't realized just how tense she had gotten, and it
felt really good to lean on him. With his arm around her, she felt
protected, secure. She looked up at his face and saw him watching her. It
seemed natural for them to kiss.
Grady got a worried look on his face. "We shouldn't!"
"Last night," said Shawna, "a part of me was convinced that what I was
doing was for your benefit, when I know now that it was all for me. I
didn't have your best interest at heart when I tried to make love to
you..."
"We've already gone over that!" Grady interrupted.
"Hush...I didn't have your best interest in mind, not deep down. But
tonight...I do. I'm here for you, Grady, right here, right now. I want to
be here for you, to comfort you and take away that pain so deep inside you.
I'm not saying that sex will make everything better, it won't. But unlike
last night, I think what we have here is more than just sex."
"Sex isn't allowed," Grady said, still looking worried.
"I know, I understand; and we don't have to do it. But we're two lonely
people, very lonely. You just lost someone very close to your heart, and
in my whole life, I have never had someone close to me, until now. I know
that I need your warmth, your embrace, if only to get me through another
lonely night. Can you truly say you don't need the same thing?"
"No," Grady whispered after a moment.
"If all we do is cuddle, that's fine by me. But please, don't say we
have to part, don't push me away again."
Grady took a deep breath. There were so many conflicts inside him. He
and his wife had spent many an evening cuddling in front of the fire just
like this, sharing a blanket while his wife read to him. He could still
hear the sound of her voice echoing around the room as she worked her way
through the Dickens' novels he had found for her.
Shawna was like her in enough ways to make her seem real again. Looking
at Shawna was like looking at his own wife, yet there were times he wasn't
sure who he was looking at. Dare he give in to the lust he felt, to the
need to make love once more to his wife, although in reality he would be
making love to Shawna?
He opened his mouth to speak, but it took a few seconds for him to
actually utter the words.
"I...never got a chance to say goodbye to her," he said very slowly. "I
was there at the end, but I didn't know...didn't know..." he broke down a
moment, tears filling his eyes until he got back a small measure of
control. "I...never thought that the last time I saw her smile, would be
the last time ever, the last touch, the last...kiss. There were so many
things left undone, things that we..." he stopped, unable to continue.
Shawna held on to him, providing HIS support for a while, rocking him
slowly as he cried, and giving him comfort.
She said nothing while he cried, and eventually he stopped. But he held
on to her tightly for a while longer, until Shawna began to pull away.
She let the blanket that covered them fall away, and she gently took him
by the hand and led him to the bed. She watched as he climbed back under
the blankets. She picked up a large black cloak hanging on a nearby hook;
she wanted to spread it on the bed for extra warmth.
"No!" Grady said. "Not that!"
Startled, Shawna hung the cloak back up and quickly went and got the
blanket they had been using. She spread it out, and after taking off her
loincloth, she slid under the covers with him.
The bed was cold, but snuggling once more next to Grady warmed her up
again. He wrapped his large arms around her and they lay there together.
It was the best night's sleep Shawna had ever had!
---***--
The next day had to be Sunday. Although she had no calendar, Shawna was
certain of this.
Upon awakening, Grady ordered her to go do her morning toilet as quickly
as possible, and then when she came back, he had her dress in a very
conservative full-bodied dress.
He himself had on more clothes than Shawna had ever seen on him. Dark
leather pants with a white long sleeved shirt and a leather vest. He
looked very good to her dressed like that, especially the way his
well-muscled body filled out the shirt. He had also shaved at some point,
and Shawna realized that he must have made a real effort to become
presentable.
Could their shared confessions of the night before have affected him
this much?
"What's going on?" she kept asking him.
"It's time you saw we aren't barbarians," would be his only reply.
Once they were dressed, and Shawna was satisfied with her hair (she HAD
to find out what they used for conditioner here), Grady began leading her
to the Great Hall. But he stopped just inside the door and turned to face
her, a thoughtful look on his face.
"I...er...just want to thank you, for last night," he said. "I want to
thank you for not coming on so strongly at the end."
"That's okay," Shawna replied, a little surprised, but glad that he HAD
been affected.
Grady nodded for a moment, then continued to talk. "I...while
we...while you were sleeping...I had some time to think. You being here
has really...well I think I needed a kick in the pants. I wasn't a...well,
before you came I was just going through the motions, you know?"
Shawna nodded slowly.
"But I think I know why the elders had you move in with me. It wasn't
so that we might get together; it was just to make me feel something,
anything, again! For a while, I was angry; angry with them for pushing you
on me, and angry with you for being who you were and who...you looked like.
I had always been angry, but this was...different. I was angry, but
focusing that anger outward. But now I'm not angry any more; there are a
lot of different feelings inside me right now." Grady stopped and tried not
to look at her, but he couldn't help glancing up at her.
Shawna felt her heart take a leap; she too was filled with conflicting
thoughts and feelings. She stepped forward to take him in her arms, but he
caught her wrists and held her away. Puzzled, she stepped back, a hurt
look on her face.
"Wait," Grady said, "I didn't mean..." he sighed. "Look, I have to tell
you that if things were different, I wouldn't hesitate to...well, if things
were different. But you have to understand that right now, despite the
feelings I have for you, I just can't...!" Grady shook his head, confusion
written on he features.
"You have feelings for me?" Shawna whispered.
Grady wouldn't look at her.
"Grady...Grady, it's okay. I understand." She pulled a hand free and
touched his cheek. "I understand," she said slowly.
Grady looked at her. "I just wanted to make it clear, before things got
too far along between us."
Shawna smiled. "It's okay, and I'm glad you said something before
either one of us did something foolish," she said, thinking of her earlier
attempt to seduce him. "I can't say I'm not disappointed that we didn't
make love last night, and the thought of there being a chance at all for us
to make something more of our lives together makes me happy. I'll back off
and give you some room. But I won't go entirely; I'll be here to help you.
I meant what I said last night. And maybe, just maybe, when you are ready
to move on, you'll allow me to be a part of that new life of yours."
Grady was a little too choked up to talk, so he just nodded.
They stood together for a few minutes, just looking into each other's
eyes, and then Shawna stood up on her toes and brushed her lips against
his.
Grady smiled softly, and Shawna chuckled.
"You know," she said, "I'm a little jealous of Cheryl."
"You are?" Grady croaked.
"Yes. To be loved this much...she was one lucky lady. I can only hope
to be loved one tenth as much."
"I'm sure it will be more," Grady whispered.
"There's just one thing I have to know."
"What?"
"Where are we going this morning?"
Grady laughed, and it felt really good to laugh. He hadn't been able to
laugh like that for a long time and he needed it.
Shawna stepped back to give him room and her startled look was slowly
replaced with a grin that turned into a light laugh of her own.
As the humor died down, Grady shook his head and waved a finger at her.
"Come on, let's go satisfy that curiosity of yours!" and he opened the door
and led them out.
Shawna felt it was good that they talked and got some feelings out in
the open. She felt better about her place here and about the opportunities
that faced her. Somehow, she was feeling less and less sure that she
wanted to leave this place, certainly nowhere else she had been had made
her feel so welcome, so needed. Those thoughts kept her mind busy for most
of the walk to the Great Hall, but in the end, she put them away, anxious
about what was to come. Shawna was happy she didn't have to go bound, and
wondered why they had gotten so dressed up for breakfast, but not long
after they arrived, she caught on.
Even though the sun had not been up for long, the Great Hall was half
full of people, all dressed up in what looked like their finest. All were
standing and chatting with each other, and there was a really good mood
being generated as more and more people came in.
Many of them seemed surprised to see Grady, but that didn't stop their
enthusiastic welcome. There were lots of "It's good to see you here
again..." and "Welcome back, Grady..." type comments, and Shawna figured
that whatever was going on was something Grady had been avoiding for a
while.
For Shawna, most people had happy greetings, and there was more talk of
what she did in the clinic the day before, which made her happy. Yet she
couldn't help noticing that people seemed uncomfortable with her and Grady
being together. There seemed to be an air of disapproval that Shawna
couldn't understand. She knew that the living arrangements between her and
Grady were unusual, but it wasn't THAT bad, was it?
It was when she saw the priest that Shawna knew what was going on here
in the Great Hall. This was Church, which was why Shawna guessed it must
have been Sunday.
Father Logan, a man she had yet to meet properly, walked up to her and
Grady with a big smile on his face. He was dressed in his vestments, or
what passed for them here in the Compound, and he took Grady's hand and
shook it warmly.
"It's good to see you back, Grady," he said.
"It's good to be back, Father," Grady said after taking a big breath.
"I'm glad. I was getting worried again when you stopped coming to see
me. But your being here is a good sign for your recovery." Father Patrick
Logan gave Grady's hand another shake and turned to Shawna "And you, dear
Shawna. I must apologize for not coming to see you sooner. I promised to
talk with you, but my work load suddenly wouldn't permit it."
"That's okay, Father, I've been kept busy too," Shawna replied with a
smile.
"Well, that's very important, but like Grady here, I would still like to
make time to talk to you. But I'm happy you came, and happier yet that you
got this man to come with you!"
"Er, he brought me!"
Father Logan laughed. "Oh, I think you had more to do with his return
to the flock than you think. But tell me, are you a religious person at
heart?"
Shawna blinked. She could feel that she was actually looking forward to
the service. Her family HAD been religious, Catholic their upbringing.
Shawna found the rituals and litany of the church to be rather comforting.
Her time with Dirk, however, had robbed her of that comfort. He was not
a religious man, and had ridiculed in a rather subtle way Shawna's efforts
to stay with the church. In the end, she stopped bothering.
"It's been a long time, Father," she said honestly.
"That's fine," Father Logan replied. "We do things a little differently
here, but there are many ways to pray to God."
He smiled once more and excused himself, and Shawna watched him move on
to another group.
"You could have told me," Shawna said to Grady.
"Surprised?" he asked.
Shawna flashed him a smile as another couple came to greet them.
Presently people started moving toward one corner of the Great Hall,
where benches had been arranged to face the small stage. Shawna noticed as
Grady led her over, that the rule of women not using chairs was not
suspended during Church, for in front of the benches were pillows where the
women were now beginning to kneel. Grady found them a spot and had Shawna
kneel on the pillow in front of him.
Shawna thought this was very weird; women were allowed to sit on the
benches to eat, but that was it. She felt a little disturbed by it, but
tried to look happy.
Grady was in conversation with the man next to him, a guy she recognized
from the Smithy the day before, so she looked about for anyone else she
knew.
Further down the same row, she saw Matthew and Rhianna, and she smiled
and waved.
It looked like Matthew was organizing his family, since Paul was notably
missing. Rhianna was kneeling as Shawna was, and seemed lost in thought.
Shawna waved again, and this time caught Rhianna's eye. Rhianna looked
up, but instead of smiling and waving back, she just stared. Her face held
a rather worried expression, and Shawna wondered what was wrong. Then
Rhianna looked away, and pointedly ignored Shawna's further waves.
Puzzled, Shawna shrugged and turned her attentions elsewhere. She tried
to see if Gabe was there, but her position close to the floor prevented her
from seeing anyone that wasn't in her own row, although she could see the
stage quite well.
The service was not long, and in some ways followed the Catholic
approach to worship, although there was no communion given out. There were
blessings and readings from the Bible, and Father Logan gave a sermon about
tolerance of thy neighbor. Father Logan was enthusiastic about getting a
response from the community, and they didn't disappoint him. The service
was almost a group affair, and Shawna enjoyed it immensely. Evidently,
from the size of the crowd, religion played an important part here; and she
found that Grady had been right, it did make these people seem less like
barbarians.
From time to time, she would look back and smile at Grady, who softly
smiled back, but the best moment was when Father Logan ended the service,
for everyone started hugging each other. It felt good to hug him again.
---***--
Rhianna was not so enthusiastic about Church. She came because her
husband came, and he came because it was expected of him. There were
members of the community that didn't bother with church or religion, and
that was their right, for no one was forced, but Paul Anderson had strongly
suggested that his younger brother show his face at these gatherings. The
Andersons were a respected and influential part of the community, and it
just wouldn't do for any of them to ignore this side of life at the
Compound. So Matthew came to Church, and of course brought his bride. It
wasn't that he didn't care for religion; he actually respected quite
strongly its position in the community. He was just able to look at it
with more jaded eyes after spending most his adult life off the mountain.
He had seen things that made him truly doubt the existence of a benevolent
God; the scars on Rhianna's body, for one thing.
Still, he felt that God wasn't all bad; he had brought him his beautiful
wife, and allowed him to help her heal from her abuses. Matthew had great
respect for any being who could create love!
Rhianna hugged her niece, Lilly, and tried to avoid looking over to
where Shawna was in the arms of the Blacksmith. Rhianna's thoughts were in
turmoil, as she tried to figure out what she thought was best for this
community she had grown to love.
If she had never found out about the crash, if Shawna hadn't been
involved in any robbery, then Rhianna would have been as happy as anyone to
have Shawna join the community if she wanted to. But Rhianna had been
trained...no she had been taught since she was a young girl, by a mother
who had given up her life's calling in Law Enforcement, that those who
break the law to the degree that Shawna did, were not to be trusted. She
knew that banks were robbed for only two reasons, either out of
desperation, or for greed, and Shawna had not looked to be the desperate
type.
Rhianna wanted to know more; she needed the whole story.
As the crowd moved outside to where the tables were, Rhianna and a lot
of the other women gravitated to the kitchen to begin serving breakfast.
Just like for every meal, it was their duty to collect the food and serve
it to the rest of their families.
Rhianna hung back, watching as someone showed Shawna the ropes. It was
her first time serving, her first time bringing food to her man.
Rhianna wondered at the relationship between her and Grady now, they
certainly seemed a little friendlier. How would he be affected when he
found out that Shawna was a bank robber as well as a junkie?
Dare they tell him?
As Rhianna collected food for herself and her own husband, she wondered
where Paul was. Apparently he had spent the night in town, and she
wondered how long after he got back it would be before the shit hit the
fan!
End of Part 14
