His Mirror Image

His Mirror Image

by

Dr Dorothy Strangelove T.L.C., C.P.,B&D

PART ONE:

My former lover we shall only call Damien. Of course that wasn't his real name it has been changed as has mine for obvious reasons. Of all the men who had come and gone in my life and contributed to my knowledge and understanding of true pleasure, he was the one, I had a lust for him that knew no end and felt for him the kind of love that could make or break my soul.

We met in 1999 on a miserable rain-lashed night in October, I had been to dinner with a colleague and we had carried on her birthday celebrations in a local wine bar, not that it had been much of a party, she had drunk three bottles of wine and was sitting at the table talking to three of our long-suffering friends about everything that was wrong in her life and while they sympathised I wandered away to the window, watching rain teeming down the pane as outside traffic rushed by and the streets filled with puddles of dark sorrow. Damien came over to me and said hello. He took me by surprise - I hadn't been paying attention to the other people in the bar, it was a cold night and the big old place wasn't exactly full to capacity  and Id been thinking about going home. But there he was and from the moment I saw him I knew I loved him.

"I'm Damien."He said, "And I think you're lovely.."

That was an abrupt statement, a bold one too for a guy so young. He was no more than twenty - making him at least ten years my junior. He was wrapped up against the cold in a thick padded jacket and rain still spotted the fabric. I could tell he had been drinking, he was perspiring and breathing rapidly and by the look of his pupils I guessed he had a liking both for booze and recreational drugs.

"Where did you come from?" It was the first thing that sprang to mind.

"I was at a party, I had to leave..long story.. I went for a wander..came in here."And as he spoke his eyes wandered from my face to the plunging neckline of my tight black dress, lingered on the curve of my breasts, and went back to my face again.

I was still looking at him. My god, he was beautiful!  Big, electric blue eyes and flawless skin. He was beautiful in a darkly angelic way; an angel fallen from grace. I wanted to know more. I could have asked him a thousand questions at that moment.

"And.."I said,  "The party was..?"

"For me."He replied, "A welcome home..I've been away..three years..for assault."

I wasn't going to ask any more about it. Obviously he had his reasons for leaving, just like he must have had his reasons for getting into trouble with the law. He didn't look like a typical bad guy, just someone young and passionate and at this moment in time, very lost.

I wasn't usually so affected by anyone at a first meeting. But the moment I saw him I had felt something move within my world, and now every part of me ached to hold him, to kiss him, I wanted his orgasm inside me, I wanted to taste his skin and see him lying naked beside me while the moonlight paled our bodies in a silver glow. I needed him like I had needed no other before.

And he knew it. He reached out and grabbed my wrist.

"I mean what I said..I do think you're lovely. You're beautiful.."

I shook free from his grip. Yes, I wanted him too, but he would have to learn some manners if he wanted to be with me.

"Don't do that."I told him, "You hardly know me."

I saw the longing was still there in his eyes. I smiled. Lucky me!  I was slim and curvy and had been told many times I was beautiful, but this guy was stunning and I wasn't about to pass up an opportunity.

"I'm going to the bathroom...I'll be back in a minute...We can leave here together... I might just take you home with me.."

I was smiling as I walked towards the toilet, I'd just caught such a flicker of hopefulness in his eyes. He was obviously feeling VERY horny tonight..

         

In the harshly lit toilet, I stood in front of the sink and dared to look at my reflection. I wasn't at my best but I had seen myself far worse. I ran my fingers through my dark hair, flicking the ends back so they bounced a little in waves just above my shoulders. I re-touched my lipstick.

And then he was there beside me with an impatient look in his eyes. He tugged down his zip and freed his erection. He was massaging his cock as he spoke.

"I haven't been fucked for three years..I need it NOW!"

I stepped back into the cubicle, he followed behind me and locked the door. His tongue was in my mouth, his hand up my dress, in my knickers and his fingers slid into my wet vagina while he groped my tits as hard as he was kissing me

"Open your legs.."He said breathlessly.

I took my underwear down and pulled up my dress. He was there at once, between my thighs, his hard cock buried in me so hard and so deep I had to use all my willpower not to cry out. He gripped me, my shoulders thumped against the wall as he pressed his face against my ear, breathing hot and hard like an animal while he pumped into me.

"Yes yes.."He was gasping, "I need you so much..."And as he shuddered and cried out and buried his face in my shoulder, all I could do was hold on to him and let myself lose the moment in total bliss as his come throbbed out inside me.

"Thank you.."He said breathlessly, and really meant it. "Thank you..What is your name?"

And I laughed at that question. It was about time he asked me.

"I'm Carrie,"I told him, "Dr Caroline Smith to my colleagues."

He seemed impressed.

"You're a GP?"

"I'm a surgeon."I told him. He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me and looked into my eyes.

"Then you must be good with your hands..Take me home and show me how good you are.."

Before I had a chance to reply, he added: "I really like you, Carrie. I like you a hell of a lot.. I mean that.."

"I believe you." I replied.  And at that moment I realised love at first sight did exist.

I took him home. He fucked me twice again that night, in the morning, instead of fucking, he made love to me. We spent the day in bed. His mobile rang twice, then he switched it off.  I got the explanation I'd been waiting for. He had been locked up for three years for having a fight in a bar with his girlfriend's secret lover. The girlfriend had forgiven him and when he came out of prison he had gone home to her and looked towards the rest of his life stretching out something like the sentance he had just served :  He didn't love her any more. Her parents were wealthy and were about to relocate to France where they had announced they would be buying the couple a  home in the country. All well and good for Annelise (the girlfriend), but Damien didn't want to go, didn't want to marry her, in fact, didn't want to be with her at all. Happy coincidence he met me the night he decided to break free.

"Where will you stay?"I asked him as he lay naked on my bed, his face pushed against the softness of the pillow as he recovered from his hangover.

He shrugged.

"What about Annelise?"

"Fuck her. Fuck all of them."He declared. Then his confidence wavered. He blinked tired eyes and looked at me.

"I can stay here..Can't I?"

I smiled.  "Of course you can."I told him.

It was a decision I never regretted. Although his aggressive wild streak was a part of him, it never seemed to come between us. I got used to Damien drifting from job to job, getting sacked and coming home and punching the wall or the door and screaming and shouting when life didn't go his way. I accepted that bar fights and drunken brawling were things that happened in his world sometimes. It never came between us. Neither did the fact that he was only twenty. We shared such a love and a passion for each other, it was the kind of sex that could make us scream with pleasure or move us to tears as we lay in each others arms. He told me he loved me every day. We had sex that knew no boundaries. One day while we were laying together I was stroking the perfect contours of his arse and I couldn't help myself, my fingers lid between his cheeks and I started massaging his rectum. He gave a sigh.

"Don't stop.."He whispered.."It's so good.."

And I carried on, I was lost in total hunger to taste his body as I buried my mouth down there, licking and teasing him until I had to give into the urge to gently ease my tongue inside. He opened up willingly and some twenty minutes later he came screaming with pleasure into my mouth as I pushed two fingers deep in his arse and hit his G-spot. It took him a while to recover, but as he lay in my arms, he whispered: "I never want to be with any one else. I want to be with you forever."

We lasted two years like that, living for the bliss of total passion consuming both of us. His feiry temper sometimes got him barred from pubs, occasionally got us the odd knock from the police and twice he was brought home drunk in a patrol car. But in all the time we were together, his temper never affected me. He always said, "You can control me. I listen to you. I'll behave myself with you.." We had a way of dealing with his anger, I would take a cane and strike it across his arse, harshly enough for me to feel his pain as the whip cut his skin and made him whimper. I always kissed it better afterwards. He seemed to like the domination, welcome the punishment. It kept him in check, he respected and loved me.

We could  have carried on like that forever. Until something happened that forced us apart.

Damien went out for the night and didn't come back. The hours ticked by and my anxiety grew, there was no answer on his mobile and every friend who he knew hadn't seen anything of him at all. I finally got a phone call at three in the morning. It was Damien.

"I've got a bit of a problem.."He told me. I listened. And when he finished explaining, I couldn't even let myself be angry with him now I knew the facts. For once in his life, he was in trouble and he wasn't to blame:  The past had caught up with him. A friend of the guy he had beat up in the past and gone to prison over had seen him and started a fight and decided to even the score. Damien had fought back and swore to me the broken bottle involved wasn't his, I believed him when he came home with a cut to his head and blood staining his shirt, the other wounds he had on his hands and upper arms told me thanks to my medical experience that I was looking at defense wounds. But he had given as good as he got. And if the guy went to the police, Damien would go down as he had a record. I knew what he had to do. Neither of us spoke as I cleaned him up. Apart from when he saw the needle and asked me if it would hurt.

"Ill give you something for the pain."I told him, wishing my own solution could be as simple. Damien had to go away for a while. That would hurt me more than words could describe.

He tensed and blinked back tears as I started sewing the wound. He closed his eyes and I saw his hands were shaking.

"I hate needles."Was all he said.

He slept for a few hours afterwards and I lay beside him with my arms around him wishing I could protect him from everything at this time. But we both knew what he was going to do. He showered and dressed later, packed a bag and tossed in his passport.

"Does it have to be her?"I demanded.

He nodded. "You know she still loves me..she'll do anything for me..She's only putting me up..not for long..just till this blows over.."

Then tears of anger stung my eyes...of course she would take care of him. He wasn't assuming..he'd already asked her!

"When was this arranged then?"

Damien hesitated, blinking back tears again. He was afraid to say it, but at least we still had some remains of honesty between us.

"Last night."He admitted, "Before I called you..I'm sorry..I had to cover myself..I had to know I had this sorted out...I will come back..

As the taxi drew up outside he moved forward to reach for me, to kiss me goodbye. I shoved him away.

"If she wants you she can fucking keep you!"I spat, "Lying bastard, you used me..stay in France with her forever..die there for all I care!" 

Damien was emotional and pleading with me to see it his way. I drove him out of my house, pushing him towards the door and tossing his bag after him.

"I hate you!"I screamed, and slammed the door shut.

Then I sat sobbing in the hallway, unable to stop the pain that was lodged in my heart from working its way deeper still. I spent the next week feeling barely alive, functioning enough to work and cutting off my social life all together. I cried for him every night. Then after a week passed, I got a phone call.

It was Annelise. I was stunned when she announced herself. I couldn't believe she had the nerve to call me.

"Carrie."She said.

"Doctor Smith to you."I said bitterly.

She paused,  then, still quite calm, said:"You know I love Damien. I always have. We slept together last night. In fact we've been sleeping together for the past three days. He said he's missed me. And he wants you to know he's sorry. We are giving things another go."

There was a thousand names I wanted to call her at that moment, but her words had shot through me like lead and I could barely find the strength to draw breath. The bitch had snatched away everything from me in  that brief statement.

I found myself saying, "Let me speak to him.."

Amazingly, she passed the phone over.

I said his name twice. There was silence. Then he said: "You know what I said, Carrie..its just a bit complicated..sorry..I'll always love you for what we shared, but my Annie must come first now.."

"You weak bastard.."My voice was barely a whisper. I put the phone down and cried until I had no tears left.

I was suddenly seeing all that had enriched my life snatched away forever. The thought struck me it would have been better if he had died, at least if I'd lost him that way I wouldn't have to torment myself thinking of him waking in her arms every day. She would never do the things I did, they would never share that kind of bliss. But he loved her. Love was something that implied an unbreakable bond.

I was the loser. I would have to exist in this way until he changed his mind - if he ever did change his mind. But we had something so special, I knew it in my heart.. I convinced myself, he would come back when he knew things were okay here, he would miss me. He had to. It was all I lived for. For the next two months I threw myself into my work.

And then, out of the blue, she called me again. This time she was in tears. The cruel part of me that longed for payback was smiling as I pictured her saying, "Have him back you're welcome to him.."As she sobbed down the phone with a black eye.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

"I'm sorry."She said tearfully, "It's all my fault... I should have let him go, I should never have come between you... he would be here with you now if I hadn't been selfish.."

"Then send him home to me."I told her, "He loves me, you know he does.. you had no right to interfere..selfish, stupid, spiteful little bitch -"

What she said next knocked all the venom out of me.

"He's been in an accident."She sobbed, "Car accident..."

Of course I called her a liar. But she told me everything. Damien had been driving too fast on a notorious spot of motorway known as an accident black spot. The car had skidded in ice and collided with a lorry. He had broken bones, internal injuries, he was critical. And then she added: "He wanted you to know what happened. But he doesn't want to see you, I'm sorry..I'm sorry for all of this.."

"If he dies,"I said bitterly, "It's your fault.."

As soon as I hung up the phone I checked the facts. And she was telling the truth. I called the hospital. They confirmed he was critically injured but said only his next of kin was allowed to contact him - his partner, Annelise.

Even now she was stopping me from seeing him. But she had to let me know - out of guilt, or to drive the knife deeper in my back? I hated that woman. I knew from my medical experience Damien had a hard fight ahead of him to survive and recover. He was young and strong and that was in his favour but he wasn't invincible. I recalled how he felt when Id stitched his wound. How he hated needles. Was she lying just to keep me away? Was he laying in that bed full of needles and tubes, terrified and wishing I was with him? As much as it broke my heart, I couldn't go and see him. I knew she would cause a scene, it would be stressful for him. It was the last thing he needed in his condition. I called every day. After a week, she said he was improving. She said I could speak to him soon, he wanted to reassure me he was okay. Hearing that even made me hope for a miracle of my own.

And then she called me late one night. As I heard her sobbing I felt as if my heart had been torn in two.

"I won't stay on the phone,"She said, "I'm just letting you know that Damien died this afternoon..he had an internal bleed and he died..he's gone..now leave us alone.."And she hung up.

That was the last I heard from Annelise. She had him right to the last, leaving me with nothing but my own sorrow. She didn't even invite me to the funeral or tell me when it was. I tried to contact her again and the phone was dead. When I finally contacted the new number I was told she had sold up and left. And I was left to face the rest of my days with no hope of ever seeing the love of my life again.

PART TWO :

(I become Frankenstein):

Time passed slowly and painfully and I never stopped missing him. All I had left was my work and it became my life. Three months after Damien's death something happened that gave me hope. And it was wrong, I knew it was wrong, but as I said, he was the kind of love that could break my soul and my soul had endured enough breaking. I saw a way to fix things:  A colleague of mine referred a patient to me called Jamie. I saw in his notes that he had suffered an accident similar to Damien, yet he had survived. I wondered why things worked out the way they did, why one person would live and another die, why I had to lose the man I loved. But all that pain ebbed away when I met Jamie. It ebbed away the minute he walked into my consulting room.  And a shiver ran down my spine and goosebumps fleshed my arms beneath my white coat - because as I looked at him it was like looking at Damien's twin. He was the same build, the same height and they looked alike, right down to the way he smiled at me. Emotion washed over me as I stared down at his notes and tried to focus on my job. He had come to me because he was still suffering the effects of surgery to fix his pelvis and as he nervously talked about how pain and discomfort made sex impossible, my heart went out to him. He was like Damien in looks, except Damien had cropped hair and Jamie's hair was longer. Damien also had tattoos and Jamie didn't have any. Jamie also lacked Damien's confidence.

He spoke quietly and very politely and looked down at the floor as he talked, glancing back to me now and again, his face flushing slightly as he explained his inability to perform in bed had ended his latest relationship. All the while guilt was rising inside me as I knew I was making plans ahead of myself: I could make him become the man I had lost. It would be easy in theory, cut his hair, even get him some tattoos and with good sex and a healthy dose of loving care his confidence would grow. I knew this was wrong. But I did it anyway, starting with telling him I needed him to take everything off for the examination.

Then he was laying on the table with his legs open and just a sheet covering his upper body and I noticed he was trembling a little.

"I'm really scared of having more surgery."He told me, "They said if I have another operation I could get nerve damage..I could be impotent..I just want to be able to have sex again like I used to.."

So do I, I thought to myself, So do I...But at the same time my heart went out to him. I put on my gloves and gently felt around his groin. He tensed a little and I could tell old scar tissue was causing him pain.

"I just need to examine you a little more.."I said and it was a complete lie. As I felt his balls I stroked them gently and noticed he was becoming semi-hard. He laughed nervously and his face went a little red.

"You've got a nice touch.."He remarked, and I smiled at that comment, happy in the knowledge that he was attracted to me too.

I gently and slowly moved downwards and slid my index finger down to his rectum, pushing gently against it. He tensed straight away.

"I just need to feel you inside."I told him.

"No."He said, "I cant do that..I hate anything in there.. When I was in hospital I had tubes everywhere, it hurt.."

"Thats alright,"I said gently, "I understand.." It was an odd mix of arousal and guilt I felt at that moment, I knew I was being selfish but I needed and wanted him. He could easily replace Damien, he would heal the hurt I felt inside. And I was sure that although he wasn't my lost love, he could become him. And even the part of him that was so unlike my dead lover was making me warm to him, he was so vulnerable right now and the part of me that saw him as a patient also felt aroused by the thought of him as my wounded hero. That and the fact that he could become Damian...I swept my hand back up his groin, stroking his balls and briefly touching his cock. As I did so I swear I felt it stiffen under my touch. Then I covered him up again.

He looked at me anxiously.

"So what do you think?"He asked me, "Is there any way I can avoid surgery?"

I have to say I answered that question purely from a professional point of view, I wasn't about to perform a risky operation on him, Jamie had been through enough already - after his accident he had been through hours of emergency surgery for head and chest injuries before his damaged pelvis had been repaired and the wound in his groin sewn up. I had been so focussed on the fact that he looked like Damian that I hadn't really looked at his scars, but I knew they were there. His body was covered in scars..just like Damian would have been had he lived..I brushed that thought aside and concentrated on Jamie as a patient. He had made a long recovery but a remarkable one. I wasn't prepared to put him through any more invasive procedures. Especially as I had a treatment of my own lined up...

"I don't think you need to see me again."I told him, "I don't think surgery will help - my advice is to consider massage - and a considerate partner will make a big difference to you - just be patient with it...you can get dressed now."

And while he was dressing, my mind was ticking over. I knew I was abusing my professional role. But I wanted him.. I wrote my number on a piece of paper, folded it and decided as he wouldn't be back for a consultation, he wouldn't be my patient again so..Why not?

When he was ready to leave I repeated the advice. I told him a considerate partner who used a lot of stimulation and foreplay would make a difference to him. I didn't go into too much detail because I didn't want him to feel awkward.

"Thank you Doctor."He said, "I'm relieved I don't have to go through any more surgery..I was really worried.."And he smiled at me. His gaze lingered on mine. This was the moment and I had to make a move.

"I wont be seeing you in an official capacity again..but I've been working privately on some pain relief treatment designed for problems exactly like yours - it's very off the record and unofficial, but I think you will find it very helpful, it's very intimate and I will have to give you a full examination but I can treat you privately and I know you will find it useful.." I'd amazed myself at how easily that bullshit had flown out of my mouth.

"Will I have to pay for it?"

"No,"I told him, "It's..just between us..if you are comfortable with that...I'd really like to help you.."

I saw a flicker of apprehension in his eyes, but he took my number and promised to give me a call at the weekend. And for the first time since Damien's death I felt hopeful again.

He called me early on saturday morning  and sounded a little nervous but not as apprehensive as before.

"I'd like you to treat me."He said, and sounded very certain, "And if it's intimate at least I've got a very capable doctor..who's very attractive too...Just wanted to say that, I hope you don't mind.."

And I smiled as I thought of the contrast - Jamie's compliment and Damien fucking me in the toilet ten minutes after we met..so alike and yet so different!

"It's nice of you to say so."I told him, "Thank you - and you're quite attractive yourself.."

"I don't think I'm all that attractive,"He said honestly, "I'm covered in scars.." And again I felt that wave of compassion come over me for him. He had been through absolute hell. I spoke from my heart. "Well a sincere person wouldn't be put off by that..I wouldn't be.." Even though I meant that, I still felt a bit hypocritical given the fact I was intent on changing him into the image of my dead lover.  Yet I felt something for him and I knew I had to treat him gently if I was to wake up his confidence and his sex drive.

"When do you think I can start my treatment then?"

"I'll come to you tomorrow morning."I told him.

"Tomorrows fine."He said, "What do you need me to do..I mean, do I need to.."He paused, feeling awkward. "..to shave anything?"

"I need you to shave everything,"I told him, "You have to remove all your pubic hair, shave everywhere..I'll also have to administer an enema, I have to make sure you're properly clean for this treatment, it's not surgical but it is a very major internal exam you're having tomorrow..Don't worry about it, I promise it won't hurt..I'll get you nice and comfortable first.."

"What does it involve?"He asked. I found myself getting wetter by the minute as I spoke to him, I was thinking, I'm going to play with your arse and give it a little stretch so you can play the kind of games I played with him...  in fact, I would exceed those games..  

"I'll put on my gloves and make sure you're properly lubricated, then I'll introduce a very small tube into your rectum and after about five minutes you can relax and wait till you need to go to the toilet, then you'll expel the enema and your rectum will be all clean and flushed out..Then I'll clean you down there, introduce some more lubricant and stimulate you while I examine you...I promise you wont feel any pain...A lot of the discomfort you get now will be non existant after this."

He sounded a little unsure, but agreed with me.

"I trust you."He said, "And I'll be ready for you tomorrow morning.."

I arranged to be at his house at ten o'clock the next day and I hung up feeling a little guilty. But I was still soaking wet. I rubbed away the ache and came just minutes after we had ended out conversation.

Ten o'clock the next day I was at his house, he answered the door in his dressing gown and told me he was ready to start as soon as I was. He still seemed a little nervous as he glanced at my black bag but I knew with a gentle bedside manner his apprehension would be easily resolved. I was wearing a short, clingy dress and I went up the stairs ahead of him, just so he could catch a glimpse of my stocking tops or the fact that I had no underwear on. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he had seen everything because he paused at the bedroom door and said: "Sorry, I'm getting a bit aroused.."

"Don't apologise.."I told him warmly.  Then I said: "Bathroom first.."         

I made him lie on his side on the soft bathroom carpet and I lifted the robe away and exposed his lower body. I put on my gloves and started setting up the enema. He caught a glimpse of the thin tube and tensed. He closed his eyes.

"This is painless."I promised him, running a lubricated finger over his rectum. I could tell he had never been penetrated there in any major way before, the hole was very tight. I ran my finger up and down and he was unable to hide a shudder of pleasure. That was the moment I slid the tube in.

"Hold still.."I said as I administered the enema. I let the liquid travel slowly down the tube, as it filled him up he gave a quiet moan of discomfort.

"It's almost done.."I told him.

When the liquid was all gone, I gently withdrew the tube.

I asked him if he felt it and he shook his head. All he could feel was dull cramps. He got up and told me he really needed the toilet. I gave him the privacy to use the bathroom and when he had finished he flushed the toilet and moments later came out of the bathroom.

"It definitely flushed me out.."

In the bedroom, I told him to lie on the bed naked.

He opened his legs and I spread them a little wider, taking a good look at him. He had shaved everything and done it well, his cock and balls were totally bare and his rectal area was hairless as well. I took a large tube of lubricant from my bag and attached an applicator nozzle. Then I set it to one side and held the cheeks of his arse firmly apart while I wiped his anal area with antiseptic. It stung and he  tensed as it burned for a moment.

"It stings.."

"It's ok." I promised him.

As the discomfort ebbed away, I took the lubricant and rubbed a little on his tight hole. It was a little more relaxed now and less tense and as I slid the applicator in he hardly noticed it. I squeezed the tube and flooded his rectum. He gave a gasp.

I withdrew the applicator and quickly smeared more of the gel onto both my gloves. I told him to get on all fours so I could reach his arse properly. As he turned over he said:

"I've got a massive hard on.."And by his breathing I could tell he was very aroused right now.

"I know,"I told him, and I stroked the length of his cock,"I'll make you come soon.."

I stroked my finger down his crack, gently over his arse.

"Just relax.."I whispered and I leaned forward and teased him with my tongue. He gave a gasp and I knew right away he was enjoying it.

"I like that.."He said, sounding a little surprised. I licked him gently, while he was still aroused I pushed a finger into him. It slid in easily and he gave another moan of pleasure. I moved it in and out slowly, the lubricant made it glide. I put a second finger in and he tensed.

"Hold still,"I told him, "It's just fine..let the feeling pass..you'll enjoy this.."

I worked my two fingers carefully in and out of his arse, as I did so I slid in a third finger with my other hand, and very, very slowly began to stretch his hole.

"It hurts now.."He said and sounded a little tense.

"Rub your cock,"I told him, "Wank yourself.."

"That's going to hurt.."

"No,"I told him, "Think of the pleasure..Massage your cock while I do this and you'll feel good.."

He reached up and started to stroke his cock, slowly at first and then harder.

I pushed my fingers in deeper and stretched him again. This time he opened up easier and I knew the muscle had stretched a little. After this he would feel a little bruised and sore, but his arse would be far more obliging for sex games from now on. I watched as the hole shrank back, it was definitely a little looser. I pushed two fingers back in and as I withdrew them they slipped out easily. He gave a moan of pleasure. He was wanking his cock hard now and I knew he was coming at any moment. I Pushed two fingers into him, firmly, deeply, burying them so deep in his arse I hit his G-spot and he cried out. I fucked his arse with my fingers, hitting the spot over and over. 

Semen pumped warm from his cock and I felt his muscles tensing and releasing around my fingers.

After that I cleaned him up and took off my gloves and he drew me into his arms. He kissed me and thank you over and over and I saw tears in his eyes.

"I never thought I could feel that good again."He told me.

And emotion washed over me in a way I hadn't expected. I actually had feelings for Jamie, and not because he reminded me of somebody else. Was I falling in love with him? I wasn't sure. But I was sure that I needed him.

We started a relationship. He was sweet and kind, very different to Damien but becoming more like him every day.

I persuaded him he would feel better about his scars if he did something cosmetic to cover them up..like have a few tattoos, for example. I even offered to choose the tattoos for him. And soon he had the same tattoos as Damien, in the same places. The first one was the hardest, he was a bit of a coward and threw up before we went to the tattooist, almost passed out halfway through, but I was supportive and sat sweetly smiling while he  took the buzzing needle and the room smelled of blood and ink. Our sex life became more adventurous and he started to take the lead in bed and welcomed every new kink I introduced him to. It was around this time I decided to make the final move to transform him. So far he had reluctantly agreed to my suggestions, but when I discovered his reaction to my latest idea I felt more than a little guilty.

We were getting ready for a night out, Jamie had just come out of the shower and was drying his hair with a towel.

"Let me."I said, and I gently rubbed the moisture from his dark hair.

"I think you would look far better with a short crop."I told him, in my mind I had long pictured his hair shaved like Damiens, but I'd been waiting for the right moment to say so. And I had enjoyed the slow process of transforming him as much as I hated to admit it; the clippers I'd plugged in and left beside the sink while he was in the shower wouldn't be the only thing getting a buzz out of this!

He paused, glanced at his reflection and pushed his damp fringe out of his eyes.

"How short?"

"A number one."I said to him, very sure of that because I'd seen Damien cut his hair in the bathroom with the same clippers many times before.

Jamie flinched as I said that and I saw pain in his eyes.

"I don't think so.."He said quickly, "No.."

I'd never had this reaction from him before. He was looking at his reflection in the mirror as he spoke to me.

"You'll look very sexy."I told him.

"Carrie,"He said, "You won't get what I mean, but just believe me - I know you're trying to make the most of my looks and I appreciate your suggestions..but each time I look in the mirror I'm starting to see someone else..someone I don't ever want to be.."

"No,"I told him, "You just don't realise how good you can look.."

As he turned to face me I saw emotion in his eyes and I didn't realise I'd touched a nerve so deeply.

"It's not just that..I've got a scar on my head..a big scar.."

I knew that, Id seen it many times when Id run my fingers through his hair, he had a surgical scar that ran across the side of his head.

"I don't want that to show...it took a long time for my hair to grow back after the operation..I don't want to be reminded of that.."

I could hear the pain in his voice. And I thought, What have I done?

"Sorry..I'm sorry.."I said, and drew him into a tight embrace, kissing him as I held him close. And then, being the selfish, manipulating schemer I was, I said:"What about a number three then?"

Jamie surprised me by saying he would do it just this once to make me happy. He set the clippers on the third setting himself before he handed me the razor. I switched it on and gently ran it through his hair, all the while feeling a secret satisfaction Id go my own way. Now he really did look like Damien... He didn't look up at his reflection while I cut his hair.

"You'll look really sexy.."I told him as I carefully ran the clippers up the back of his head."I don't always feel sexy though,"He told me, "I know you want me to be confident and you say you're trying to make me look my best, but some of the clothes you gave me..Ill wear them for you, but they're not really me, too flash and expensive - where did you get them from?"

And I thought, Damiens's wardrobe, of course...He had left his better clothes here when he went away and I'd kept them.

"I went shopping for you."I lied, "I like to give you presents.."

"This must have cost you a fortune.."And he ran his fingers over the gold chain around his neck. Again, one of Damien's.

I switched the razor off. "You're worth it.." I told him and kissed his cheek.

Jamie looked up at his reflection and studied it for a moment. He hated it, I could tell, but I was sure with persuasion he would get used to it.

"You look wonderful."I told him.

Jamie shook his head. "No, I really don't think so."He told me, "Its not me.."

I thought he would be in a better mood once we went out, but half way through dinner he told me he wasn't in the mood for anything tonight and he left and said he'd see me later on. I finished the meal and left the restaurant, I called him to say I was coming home but when he answered the phone he said:"I'm not really in the mood  tonight..I'm just not happy at the moment.  I've gone back to my place. I'll see you tomorrow.."

And for the first time since he had come into my life, I went home alone. I sat down and thought about everything. Maybe I had gone too far. He hadn't wanted to cut his hair. Now I felt like I'd bullied him. I didn't want to lose him, I genuinely cared for him and the fact that I'd transformed him so much meant a lot to me - he was the closest I would ever get to holding Damien in my arms again. 

As the time ticked by, I thought back to the man I'd loved and lost and I cried for him all over again. I thought the worst of the pain had gone, but I was wrong. I knew in my heart I would always ache for him. It was then I took out my mobile and reached for his number. I'd never erased it from my phone. I knew if I called it I would hear his voicemail and the recorded message he left on it. I'd thought about calling it many, many times since his death but I hadn't done so because it would have been too painful. Now I needed to hear his voice. Tears ran down my face as I dialled the number.

"This is Damien."The recording said, "I'm not here, so leave a message.."

It was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever done, leaving a message for a dead person who would never receive it. But I needed to say these things to him and this was the only way I could do it.

"I know you'll never get this message,"I said,  "But I love you, you're the only man I'll ever love.  I knew there was a chance you might not survive the accident but I kept hoping you would pull through and one day come back to me... But when Annelise told me you was dead I knew I'd never love again, not the way I loved you..I love you to this day..Ill love you forever... I even met someone who reminded me of you, I tried to make him you, but he's not..you are the one Ill love forever..I wish you could be here..I love you so much.."

And I hung up.

Much later that night while I was sleeping, Jamie climbed in bed beside me and kissed me and said sorry for walking out. And as he made love to me, in the half light of early morning, for a moment I could believe Damien was in my arms again as I looked at his face and ran my fingers over his cropped hair. Then, as he came hard inside me and told me he loved me, I shed tears of regret that he was not Damien. The next day I was off work, so we spent the day together, we spent the morning in bed, mainly sleeping but we had sex before we got up. Then, after a late breakfast, we sat and talked. He told me he cared about me and he wanted to make me happy, so if I wanted him to look a certain way, he would do it, just to make me happy.  Looking at Jamie sitting there on the sofa in Damiens clothes and jewellery, especially now he had his haircut, I felt like I was with him again. Well, almost. I knew he could never completely be the man I missed so much. I wondered how much longer I could live like this and fool myself that I was really happy.

As it turned out, I would'nt have to live like this at all for much longer.

Twenty minutes later, there was a knock at the door. A loud knock. Before I had the chance to go to the window and see who was there, I heard a key turning in the lock.

I ran to the front door, alarmed to think someone could let themselves into my house like this...

He dumped his bag in the hallway and stared at me.

"Carrie.."He said, "What the bloody hell's been going on here?"

And I looked at him. I looked at Damien and couldn't speak. He was really standing there, large as life. He looked amazing for a dead man, far better than when I'd last seen him..He was fitter, tanned  - and blazing angry!

"You're dead.."It was all I could say.

"I'm alive, Carrie.."

And he stepped forward and grabbed hold of me. His grip was hard as ever, he was solid and real and tears stung my eyes with relief. I couldn't believe he was really here again.

"Annelise made me say I loved her! She made me say those things on the phone to get rid of you, as soon as she knew I needed her help she started putting conditions to it - she even threatened to call the police, she blackmailed me!"

"But the crash.."

"I was out of hospital in six weeks. She told you I was dead to get rid of you. When I was in there I kept saying to her, I love Carrie, I'm going home when I get out of here..she lied to you.. she told me you said you didn't want to see me ever again.."

And then his gaze moved towards Jamie, who had just come out  to the hallway. I noticed  marks on Damien's knuckles. So Annelise had got what was coming to her..because she had been dumb enough to think she could control him without a whip - Silly girl!

"You hit her.."I said feeling a sense of smug satisfaction.

He shrugged. "So whip my arse later.." His gaze was still on Jamie. He took a step towards him. "Get my clothes off, get my chain off and fuck off before I give you a slap !"He told him.

And oddly enough, Jamie just shrugged it off.

"I've just worked it out."Jamie said to me, "So did you love me or was it him? No, don't answer that question, its always Damien the girls fall for!"

Now I was confused..they knew eachother? It seemed I had a choice to make. Damien or Jamie.

Reader, I fucked them both.......

Actually, No, I didn't. Damien gave Jamie "Ten minutes to get his shit together and fuck off", which he promptly did , pausing only to say to me, "It makes sense now..You could have told me about him - It's always about that bastard, he always comes first!" And with that he left.

And Damien looked at me and said, "My clothes...My jewellery..My tattoos..." And then he laughed and threw his arms around me and held me like he never wanted to let me go.

"I love you,"He whispered, "And I'm sorry, this is all my fault..I'm not angry with you..I understand.. you wanted me and you thought I was dead..well I'm not, I'm here and I'm never leaving you again.."

Then he took out his cock and pinned me to the wall and fucked me harder than I'd ever been fucked in my life, slamming his cock into me like he wanted to bury himself forever inside me. When he came he told me again that he loved me.

We talked, he explained everything. Including the fact that he knew Jamie - and it was a strange coincidence they had both had near fatal accidents only months apart. But I had to ask about Annelise. Okay, she had cheated on him and the trouble he got in because of that had caused a lot of problems, right down to his reason to leave me a few months before, but she had cared for him after his accident. It was Annelise who had nursed him back to health. And Damien being the kind of guy he was, on hearing my message, realised she hadn't only blackmailed him but had let me think he was dead,  he solved the problem the only way Damien knew how, by calling her a cunt , slapping her to the floor and kicking the shit out of her before jumping on a ferry and coming home to me. So the bitch finally paid..Laugh? I nearly pissed myself!

I married him three months later.  By then Damien had explained everything to me and when ever we mention Jamie,  we just have to smile..  I heard that since knowing me he's become quite a hit with the ladies, must be something to do with the arse tricks I taught him. But he'll never be more than a pale imitation of Damien. Not that he would ever want to be, considering they hate each other. In fact they've never got along. Thats why we didn't invite him to the wedding - even though they are brothers!

The End