Beth
by Allene
Chapter 24
My school finally decided we were old enough for a course in
Sex Education. I enrolled in the hopes I could find out why I was
so horny all the time. I swear that if I was a boy I would have a
hard-on constantly. In spite of nightly masturbation I could only
come about once or twice a week which created a lot of
frustration. I began to get a reputation for being bitchy.
Sex Ed. turned out to be just a morals lecture with no real
information. The nun harped on about the dangers of sex before
marriage and the lie that sex was just a necessary evil to have
children. I took the whole thing with a grain of salt and managed
to keep from laughing at the girls who took the lectures
seriously.
All this changed when the nun got to what she called the "
PERVERSIONS". She began to talk about Homosexuality, Sodomy, and
Roman orgies which was the story of my life. I had never felt
much guilt for what I had done since it felt good and one thing
seemed to flow into the other. Now I was told that I had
committed a Mortal Sin and that I was destined to go to Hell.
Remember I was raised a devout Catholic and though I did not go
along with their moral judgments that were not backed up by the
Bible or other religious books I was now faced with absolute
proof from the Bible that I was facing Hell.
I was absolutely terrified. My Dad tried to find out what was
wrong but I couldn't tell him. He finally gave up, excusing my
sullen behavior and bursts of tears as just a phase I was going
through.
After about a week of this I decided I had to do something to
try to save my soul. We had a new priest about forty years old
which was ancient to me. He was not bad looking but had the
reputation of being very forceful and stern. This was actually a
break for me as I could never have confessed to the former priest
who had known me all my life and had Baptized me.
My Dad had let me drive the car to school in an effort to
cheer me up. I told him I may be home late as I was writing a
term paper, in the event I could not see the priest right away. I
did not want to call him for an appointment as I was afraid he
might want to know what I wanted and I did not want to discuss it
over the phone.
There was a note on the church door saying the Priest had
gone to town on an errand and would be back shortly. I used the
time in the Church library re-reading the passages that were
condemning me to Hell and also browsed through the picture books
of the penitents and the martyrs.
By the time the priest arrived I was ready to be burned at
the stake if necessary to save my soul.
