Chapter 19: Willpower
Lisa was not able to get much work done. All day, her pussy
continued to gush and she could think of little except how good it
would feel to touch herself. As she tried to read budget sheets,
her hand unconsciously drifted under her tiny skirt to her
panties. She was disgusted by the presence of an unknown man's
slime there, mixing with her own honey, but she could not help but
touch that wet spot. After fingering herself mostly to orgasm
she would stop, remembering both that Cheryl had forbidden her,
and that any passer-by could peer into her cubicle and see this
very private behavior. She cursed herself each time, first for
raising the risk of getting caught masturbating in her office, and
second for keeping her arousal so high. If she could just forget
about it, perhaps she would calm down?
But she did not calm down, and when the clock struck 5pm she
decided it was time to give up and go home.
She had avoided any further departures from her cubicle, knowing
that her panties were so easily exposed in her ultra-short skirt,
and that anyone could see how wet they were. What would they
think? As she walked out of the office, she did so slowly,
attempting to hold down her hem.
The subway was especially frightening, since the gusts of wind in
the tunnels threatened to flip up her skirt, and the cold air made
her especially conscious of her moistness. When finally she got
in a subway car, she decided not to even try sitting down.
By the time she got home, she was shaky. She had been on edge for
hours: nervous, anxious, horny. As soon as she walked in the
door, she pulled off the wet panties and threw them into her
laundry hamper. ``So nice to get that disgusting thing off," she
said aloud.
She ate a microwave dinner and had a glass of wine and decided to
head into bed early.
Sitting in the privacy of her bed, her hand drifted beneath her
pajama pants as she thought of her day. Goodness. It hardly
seemed real. Thinking of herself in that skirt, and that blouse,
with everyone watching. It seemed more like a slapstick cartoon
than her life. But she had no doubts about her feelings: the idea
that her dripping wet pussy was so close to being exposed to her
entire office gave her a warm, tingly feeling that she did not
fully understand. As she thought about it and touched herself,
she felt herself come closer to orgasm.
She stopped herself. Cheryl had forbidden her. But really, she
thought, how would Cheryl know? There would be no way for Cheryl
to prove if she brought herself to orgasm, right there in her bed
before going to sleep. So why not?
The temptation was overwhelming, and the orgasm so very, very
close, but she thought of her cartoon life and somehow knew that
the warm, tingly feeling she had all day would be ruined if she
didn't show her willpower now. Yes, Cheryl was trying to
humiliate her --- and maybe so was Steve --- but she felt that her
own self dignity would only truly be lost if she gave in to this
temptation. So she removed her hand from her pants, closed her
eyes, and tried to sleep.
She had trouble sleeping, though, with images of Steve's erection
through his sweatpants and Cheryl's unblinking video camera
running through her head. She wasn't sure when she drifted off,
but it was surely after two in the morning.
When her alarm clock rings at 6, then, Lisa can barely get out of
bed. Her eyes feel as though they are glued shut, and her muscles
don't seem to respond.
Her shower wakes her up a little, but her body truly arises when
her routine comes to her clothes. What should she wear today?
She looks through her skirts. There's the pleated black skirt,
that swirls around, threatening to expose her with every step. And
then Yukie's skirt, which actually /does/ expose her with every
step. And then the black skirt that Cheryl bought her, which is
tight and hides nothing. And that's all that's in her closet!
Where is the brown skirt she bought? Where is the green one? She
didn't pick out any of this! All these skirts leave her
practically naked from the waist down!
She couldn't bring herself to pick one out. Despite all she's
been through, it seems wrong to her to dress so provocatively in
the office! She only did so previously because she was ordered
to, she thinks. So she runs through her memory: what do I /have/
to wear today? Thinking about it, she can think of no
instructions. It's not a Wednesday; nobody said anything about
what I have to wear today!
This simple revelation has a strange effect on Lisa. She is not
certain whether it is relief that she feels, as she picks out her
favorite pair of beige slacks and slides them up her legs, or
whether it is disappointment.
Dressed in a normal work outfit, she gets her usual morning coffee
and boards the subway at her usual time. No strange looks greet
her as she enters the office, and when she gets to her cubicle,
her normal workload occupies her mind and her time.
As the hours drift by, Lisa begins to acknowledge that her life
has not changed much. Her coworkers still seem to treat her with
respect. She has heard nothing from Cheryl---no humiliating
orders! And although she tried to smile at Steve more than she
used to he seems to be his normal, businesslike self. Did all
that stuff really happen, she wonders? Was that really me?
Her lunch goes by, and as usual, she eats alone. She looks for
Steve but cannot find him in the cafeteria. She thinks of saying
hello to Yukie but would not know what to say. She finds herself
even hoping to hear from Cheryl. But besides the usual
interaction with her coworkers, her day goes by without so much as
an unusual glance. I suppose my beige slacks and green blouse
don't turn as many heads, she thinks.
At about 3 o'clock, her telephone rings. Not expecting any calls,
her head goes through a list of possibilities as to who it could
be.
"Hello?"
"Lisa?"
"Yes, this is Lisa."
"Lisa! This is Christie!"
"Oh, hi! You know, I was just thinking the other day I should
call you!" Lisa is excited to hear from her old friend.
"Were you? You haven't called me in over a year, you know."
Lisa knows that she is bad at keeping track of her old friends.
Christie is the only one she has tried to stay in touch with, but
she knows she lets herself get too busy, and forgets to ever pick
up the phone. The weeks turn into months, the months into years .
. .
"Oh, I'm so sorry. Has it been that long? The time seems to just
fly by. I'm so busy with work, you know, and - "
"Don't worry about it, Lisa. I've heard all that before. I know
you're busy. And heck, I haven't called you either, have I?
Anyway, I know you're at work so I'll keep this short. I'm flying
into town a week from today! I can explain why later. It's kind
of complicated. But anyway, do you think I could stay with you in
that big empty house of yours?"
Lisa laughs. "Of course! I look forward to it!"
"It is still empty, isn't it? Or is there finally a man I might
meet?"
"Oh," Lisa begins, not certain if she should say anything about
Steve, "I've gone on a date or two. Um. Well, I guess it was
only one. Seems like it was more . . . "
"Well, even one sounds like progress for you! Anyway, I'll let
you go, but I'll see you in a week and we'll talk all about it
then. I'll call you from the airport; I get in next Thursday about
6pm. Kay?"
"Great! See you then!"
Thinking back on it that night, Lisa realized that if it were not
for one other event, that phone call would have been the only
out-of-the-ordinary event in her entire day. Have all her days
been so empty, she thought to herself? Am I that boring?
Lisa was not worried, though, because of that other event. As she
had walked down the hallway on a small errand later in the day,
she ran into her boss, Jim. He smiled at her, said "I'm looking
forward to tomorrow. It's your big chance!" And he made a Johnny
Carson golf swing gesture.
Lisa had not forgotten about the golf outing, but now that the
event was near she started to worry. She knew nothing about golf.
What if the directors didn't like her? What if . . .
. . . what if Cheryl chooses this event, which could be the most
important in her career, to completely degrade and humiliate her?
Of course! Cheryl had instructed her to show up at the crack of
dawn in the office before leaving. 5:30 am! Cheryl wouldn't
come in that early unless she really, really wanted to do
something horrible, Lisa thought. What could it be?
As she lay in bed early that night, Lisa couldn't tell whether
her anxiety was fear of Cheryl's unknown plan---or eager
anticipation. "Probably it will be horrible. Humiliating and
horrible," she said to herself in the darkness of her bedroom, as
she made herself pull her hand out of her pajama pants in order
to sleep.
