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Day 3 – Quantum Mechanics
10. Planck's Constant
All night I toss and turn as much as my pokey string allows. Monster breasts are suffocating me. I wake gasping. I feel feverish. I'm losing my mind. I cringe seeing my tied pokey. It's not a dream. I start to spiral into madness. I reach rock bottom and find my soul. It chides me, "The great physicist, look at you, reduced to a puddle by a bunch of teenage girls." I anger. I begin to rage. I climb back into reality. I snap into myself, my brush with insanity gone.
I turn my formidable intellect on. Where was my brain yesterday? I was played like an object, just a thing for female amusement. It was my stupid fantasies. I let them take me over. The thought of seeing real breasts triggered something in me that I didn't know existed. All my life I've hit the books with an insatiable urge to know everything. I never had time for girls. Or so I thought. Obviously, at some level, a festering was occurring that didn't rear its head until yesterday. I thought about the sexual theory of relativity. Am I really programmed so I can't resist a woman's breast? At 21 I suppose the programming would reach its peak. Miss Waters might understand what is happening to me. I resolved to discuss it with her as soon as possible. Meanwhile the first order of business is to try and figure out a way to get out of this place. I need a telephone. Mom would know what to do.
At that moment Miss Waters comes into the room. "Good Morning Mr. Jefferson, I trust you slept well?" I close my eyes hating a woman my own age seeing me in this position. "Don't worry Mr. Jefferson, Miss Kali has asked me to look after you this morning to ensure nothing untoward occurs. Here let's untie you." She removes the string and unties my hands. I'm grateful that she doesn't touch pokey in the process. He's seen more than enough action in the last little while. Much to her amusement, I cover him from her prying eyes.
Her mobile phone rings. I hear Miss Kali say, "Miss Waters you are needed in the office for an emergency. Please drop everything and come right away." She drops the phone and rushes out.
My chance has come. I pick up the phone and dial my Mom. I get her on the second ring. "Mom, this Toronto school for girls is a nightmare. I'm forced to teach nude and am constantly humiliated by both the staff and pupils. Get me out of here. I'm desperate."
A long pause at the other end, then, Mom whose head must be spinning with my news, says, "On it son, I'll do what's best for you right away". With that encouraging statement she hangs up. I quickly put the phone back smug in the knowledge that I'm going to be saved. When I go to the criminal courts on this matter the whole school is going to jail. I am full of glee. Revenge will be mine. Those smug women and girls are going to have the book thrown at them I think while I perform my toiletries. Finishing, I try to cover myself with the shoelace wrapping my exposed flesh as best I can. No more pokey for these hyenas.
Miss Kali and Miss Waters walk into the room wearing severe looks. Miss Kali spits, "Mr. Jefferson, what were you told about outside communications?"
I stumble mentally. How could they know already? They're bluffing. Miss Waters must have realized that she left her phone behind and this was a trick to get me to confess. Well, I'm too smart for that. "Why Miss Kali, I signed a contract saying that I wouldn't, why do you think I have?"
Miss Kali frowns and then enquires, "and do you remember the penalty in the contract?"
It was my turn to frown. She couldn't possibly know. Mobile phones cannot be monitored without the most sophisticated equipment. Equipment a high school certainly wouldn't have. "I agreed to submit to a discipline of your own choosing." I cautiously said.
She sharply says, "Do you honor your contract Mr. Jefferson."
I didn't like the direction this was going but when in a hole one either digs deeper or gets out of the hole. I dug deeper. "Of course I honor my contract Miss Kali, why would you think otherwise?"
She springs her trap, "Your mother just phoned me quite concerned that you spoke with her and broke your contract. She's very distressed that a child from her own loins has dishonored her family. She has asked me to punish you severely. I promised her that you will rue this action and will never consider a like deception again. Now come along, I've called a special assembly of the whole school to discuss the matter."
My own mother betrayed me. Were all females alike? Have they been so suppressed through the ages? Give them a tiny bit of power and all the generations of male injustice have to be redressed at the first opportunity? Well, I'm a man and I'm not going to take it anymore. I move menacingly towards Miss Kali, fury directing my actions. Focusing on leveraging my superior strength, I turn my back on Miss Waters. Big mistake. She reaches between my legs and grabs my balls in a grip that brooks no nonsense.
Miss Waters heatedly said, "Mr. Jefferson, if you ever approach a woman in anger in this school again, I will personally slice this off." She compresses my balls until I see scarlet.
"You will do exactly as you are told until your punishment is over. Is that understood?" she commands squeezing now with both hands.
"Yes Miss Waters, Yes Miss Kim, I will accept my punishment. I'm sorry, I truly am", I squeak in spite of all resolve to the contrary. It's so painful and they have a point, I did sign.
Miss Waters fumigates, "Is that an attempt to hide your pokey?" she says looking at the shoelace. "I think this thing is not going to be hidden at all today". She unwraps the shoelace exposing a wilting pokey and reties it with one hard knot in the middle making it bulge top and bottom. Miss Kali takes one end of the shoelace, Miss Waters the other and I follow their incessant tugging into the auditorium.
80 girls go quiet while I'm led to the front. I'm made to face them, pokey obscenely hoisted by the ends of the shoelace. My chagrin at having so many females stare at pokey is colossal. I quickly cover my pokey with both hands. Miss Kim addresses the pupils. "Girls, one of the conditions in Mr. Jefferson's contract is that he does not attempt to communicate with the outside world during the school year. I'm sorry to say he has broken that condition. The contract states that should any condition be broken, Mr. Jefferson will subject to a discipline of our own choosing. All you girls will be the jury on this matter. He has agreed that this is fair and has come forward to ask you what discipline you feel is required. My only stipulations are a) he must teach his classes today and b) no physical damage will be tolerated. Mr. Jefferson, please address the jury."
I'm stunned. I have to ask for my own punishment from 80 girls? I press my hands protectively around pokey determined not to participate in this charade. Miss Kali and Miss Waters pull each end of the shoelace tightening the knot around the middle of my pokey making the bulges grotesque. Miss Waters instructs with a pull, "Mr. Jefferson, please remove your hands and petition the jury."
The lace girdle is suffocating pokey. I remove my hands and the girls laugh at my two frankfurters. I decide my only hope is to throw myself at the mercy of the court. "Girls, I know we have had our differences in the last two days but I'm willing to forgive everything you have done to me. I hope you can also forgive if you feel I've slighted you in any way and express such agreement by letting me cover my pokey."
A buzz of conversations builds from the jury. I see the leaders of each class huddle, arms waving as they make their points for and against. Brady leaves the room. Finally, Laura speaks, "Mr. Jefferson, the consensus opinion is that you have denigrated us solely because we are females and now although you have done wrong, you expect us to let you off the hook. We have decided that since you are so concerned about us seeing your pokey we will cover him, but not in a fashion which will hide him from us." Brady returns, carrying the schools' new electron microscope. Shaped like a large crystal ball, this microscope can magnify and project anything enclosed a trillion-fold. Brady unties the shoelace and inserts the microscope over my cock. She adjusts the lens and suddenly my deflated pokey looks 12 inches long and 3 inches fat. The girls laugh at my degradation as I blench with ignominy. Laura continues, "Each class will decide what punishment you have earned and mete out justice accordingly. You will address every girl in this school as Miss and refuse no orders either during or between classes. Is that understood?"
This jury was a hanging jury but knowing that any protest would just accentuate the problem I humbly reply, "Yes Miss Laura, I understand. I will do as requested." I look down at my boa constrictor thinking at least he's safe in his crystal ball. "Remember Miss Kali's restrictions though, you must allow me to teach", thinking that if I could get them busy learning they would have no time to come up with creative punishments. Way down deep I decide I don't like Toronto girls even though I'm a Toronto guy.
Satisfied, Laura sits down and Miss Kali asks Sophia to direct me to my grade 9 class. She comes to the stage, grabs my balls and drags me to my class followed by all her fellow classmates.
Sophia deposits my boa constrictor and I to the front of the class. "What's the lesson today?" she asks pertly.
With a sigh of relief, given I really didn't want to think about punishments, I launch into a world of unpredictability, "Quantum Mechanics Miss Sophia. And it all starts with a very innocent question. Is energy continuous or discrete? Does energy come in packets or is it infinitely dividable?
The girls think hard. Sophia absently squeezes my balls making me jerk back and forth for her amusement. My pokey reacts. The crystal ball magnifies a million fold. The snake matures into a dragon. It looks like I'm about to poke the whole room. The girls stare at my red dragon eye with trepidation. Lettie stumbles on a solution, "Girls, Mr. Jefferson's dragon reacts to the warmth of Sophia's hand. If we heat his balls very slowly, and energy is indivisible, then the dragon will grow slowly. Otherwise, the dragon will grow in leaps and bounds."
I'm shocked. "Girls, my balls are not a toy for your amusement and they certainly don't like the idea of being any part of some mad kitchen experiment. I absolutely forbid you to consider this line of action." For added effect, my dragon puffs his chest and glares menacingly at my Grade 9 class. The girls move back clearly intimidated. Flush with success, I press my luck, "As you can clearly see, a mans' equipment is not to be trifled with, please take this off me and I'll agree to forget this whole incident." My dragon magnifies waves of masculine power at the class of dumb teenage girls.
I forgot about Sweden. Gweurfel strides to the front and adjusts the microscope until the dragon turns into a worm. The girls stop cowering and begin to irritably mutter among themselves. Gweurfel cries, "He tried to trick us after he agreed to do whatever we asked. We need to teach him respect." On mass, twenty angry fifteen-year-old girls start to circle me.
Dragon God gone, I try to placate the fuming mob. "Girls, girls, I was just kidding. Of course I meant to obey you in everything. Come on, can't you guys take a joke?" If anything, this just seems to make them even more furious. Desperate I fling out a, "I'm sorry, I'm very sorry. It wouldn't happen again." Their hands are like claws, flexing their nails like tigers before a meal. I make one more attempt, "Girls, I accept punishment but please don't hurt me."
Gweurfel sternly orders, "Girls, Mr. Jefferson was going to have an easy experiment but I see no reason to make it comfortable for him now. Get the plant holder chains and attach them to the swivel above the desk. Two girls get the chains and standing on the desk attaches one end through the swivel and the other to each of my wrists. Three girls pull each chain. I slowly rise in the air until my feet are three feet from the floor. Gweurfel positions two tables two feet from each side of my legs. "Girls, hold each foot on one of the tables while we lower the chains. Let's see if Mr. Jefferson can do the splits the way we girls can."
Delicate hands position my feet widely apart on each desk and the chains start to lower. My muscles go tense at 45 degrees. I beg them, "Men aren't built the same way as you girls; you will break my legs if you go any further."
Gweurfel, dear all heart Gweurfel, reassures me, "Don't worry Mr. Jefferson, I wouldn't let that happen. Girls massage his thighs." Three girls on each side massage the knots and as the tension eases the other girls lower the chain bringing back the agony. Alternating agony and massages get me to an 80-degree split. Sweat is blinding my eyes. One of the girls wipes me dry cooing that it will be over soon. Five more minutes of massaging gets me to 90 degrees. I'm demolished. I don't think I'll ever be able to walk again. Gweurfel cups my face in her hands. She gently soothes my brow. "There Mr. Jefferson, I knew you could do it. Now we can set up the experiment."
Gweurfel pushes a low table under my balls. She places a hot plate on the table and after plugging it in places a bowl of water on top. She slides the dastardly setup towards my balls. I twist frantically in the wind. Sophie steadies me by slotting her thumb into my widely splayed bum hole. Gweurfel plops my balls into the warm water and turns the microscope back on to high magnification. The phoenix rises. Gweurfel, in her most scientific voice proclaims, "We need to make sure the water is heating as slowly as possible to make sure that only very small increments of heat are added to Mr. Jefferson's balls."
My balls start to sweat and the phoenix smoothly starts to plume. "Too fast", Gweurfel observes and turns down the heat so that the incremental is barely noticeable. She turns up the magnification again. My pokey image fills half the room. My balls feel on fire but any movement is stopped by Sophia's' thumb. I doubt if I've ever eaten a meatball as hot as my downstairs. The girls watch intently and then they see it. Pokey is growing in little jumps. They measure the jumps. Every jump is exactly the same. Gweurfel triumphantly proclaims, "Energy is discrete, we've proven energy is discrete". The girls cheer as my balls bake. I've almost lost consciousness. Gweurfel demands "Are we right Mr. Jefferson, is energy discrete as we've just shown?"
I acknowledge their success;
For energy the theory is called Quantification Theory and was discovered by Max Planks. Energy has the same characteristic as mass of being quantized or existing as separate particles.
I succumb to darkness as a ghostly pokey image consumes the room.
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