 |
|||
|
|
8. Modern Theory of Relativity
I really must get Mr. Jefferson to his 11 o'clock class I think. I hope he's still hard. I need him in an extreme state of sexual frustration if I expect my plans for him to move forward. I pass his grade 10-class talking excitingly about the General Theory of Relativity. What a teacher. 17-year-old girls understanding relativity is unheard of. With grim determination I decide I will do anything to bring my Mr. Jefferson plans to fruition.
I walk into the classroom and meet an astonishing sight. Mr. Jefferson was lying on the table with a huge pokey somehow bending two laser beams onto the ceiling. I walk up and seeing his sweating face start to towel it, "It's Miss Kali Mr. Jefferson, just stay relaxed. I'll take care of you."
An agonized voice whispers, "I kept my promise Miss Kali, I didn't go soft. Can I see the breasts now?"
"Not yet Mr. Jefferson, hold him hard for two more classes and then breast ecstasy is yours." He certainly is a tit man. Wondering how I was going to get him to the next class with him pinned to the table by his heavy pokey, I decide that it would be better if his Grade 11 class came to him. Picking up the phone I ring Miss Pringle and ask her to fetch them. Waiting, I curiously hold his pokey. I can't move it. I hold it with both hands and try to crank it. No luck, it feels set in cement. The physics were beyond me. I was about to ask him when the Grade 11 class arrives headed by the usual ringleaders, Olga, Francis and Kim.
I wait and I wait and still no Mr. Jefferson. "Where is he Francis? This isn't fair, we've already lost three minutes of experiment time."
Francis grins at me, "Now Olga, I'm sure he'll be here in a minute. Although I'm not sure how much he's looking forward to meeting you again."
I grin back, "I hope he's the forgiving type. My hand still hurts from spanking his thermodynamic bum. Imagine though, we'll see our first pokey. I wonder what tricks it can do?" Life was never this good in Sweden. Girls in that country although liberated never have control over male Swedes.
Miss Pringle enters and goes to the front of the class.
"Mr. Jefferson is feeling a bit tired and would like you to join him in his Grade 10 classroom. Hurry girls, Mr. Jefferson is waiting." Miss Pringle orders.
Mystified, I lead the class upstairs listening to the 17-year-girls chattering about who has seen a pokey before. Turns out not a single girl have ever seen one. We enter the Grade 10 classroom and see Miss Kali covering the object of our curiosity. She was trying to move it without luck. I crowd around my first pokey with the rest of the girls.
Miss Kali addresses us fervor, "Girls, Mr. Jefferson has promised not to get soft. What I'm about to show you is the result." With that she removes her hand. You can almost see through it. It's a pokey God. Pulsing with white light, wearing bent green and red laser beams as clothes, he stands like a proud oak tree. Watching the awe on the girls' faces, Miss Kali smiles and says, "Now I expect you all to help Mr. Jefferson keep it hard, although it doesn't look like he'll need it." She pats Mr. Jefferson on his cheek, "You can start you lesson now, remember, two more classes and then the breasts." She exits.
I tear my gaze from the face of a hairless God. Looking Mr. Jefferson in the eyes ask, "What are we learning today Mr. Jefferson?"
He doesn't seem completely there. I take hold of his balls and give them a little squeeze. That gets his attention. "Modern Theory of Relativity, Olga" he gasps.
I squeeze him hard asking, "What did you call me Mr. Jefferson."
Confusion runs through his face until he finally remembers. "Miss Olga, today we are going to learn the modern theory of relativity." I relax his balls encouragingly. "It relates to how one can get around the speed of light problem raised in the Special Theory of Relativity. To exceed the speed of light we use a mathematical approach called metric engineering.
The vacuum of space is actually filled with fields and virtual particles. The vacuum has a nonzero energy density even though vacuum is usually taken to be the zero point for energy density. Metric engineering considers polarizing the vacuum so that some of the energy from one spot is moved to another spot. Now we have one spot that has a positive energy density relative to the zero point and another spot with a negative energy density relative to the zero point. This second spot is called a hole.
Now the positive energy density will have the properties of a mass. It will attract all things toward itself, including the hole. On the other hand, the hole would have the properties of a negative mass. It would repel all things from it including the positive mass. As a result the positive mass accelerates in the direction away from the hole and the hole is drawn by the positive mass to chase it. The natural state of this system is a state of acceleration instead of a state of constant velocity.
Francis ponders, "So to prove this, we need a positive energy density, a zero point, and negative energy in a hole."
Kim eyes pokey, "Well I think we've found something with positive energy density." We all laugh. "But we also need a hole to create negative energy in."
I get it, "There is a hole right under Mr. Pokey. Francis, Kim grab a leg." They bend Mr. Jefferson's legs until his feet pass his head. I consider the results, "His bum hole is not close enough to his GOD, bend him more." I hear his legs creak until his feet are a good two feet below the edge of the desk. I take out a ruler, "4 inches between them, perfect". The tension on Mr. Jefferson's face was quite the sight. It turns ashen. His legs finally adjust to the strain as the girls tie him off. I put my finger on his gaping bum hole, "Girls, this is obviously the zero spot. Now all we need to do is figure out a way to get negative energy down the hole and we will see if the modern theory of relativity is true."
We all think hard. No one gets it. I go back to Mr. Jefferson's eyes, "We need help sir, how is negative energy created?" He just shutters and closes his mouth grimly. I slap his balls smartly. His lockjaw unlocks. "Behave young man, I asked you a question."
He reluctantly educates;
The Casimir effect is how it's usually done. Two mirrors placed face-to-face trap a slab of quantum vacuum between them. While mirrors reflect real photons of light, they also reflect ghostly virtual photons too. According to quantum theory, every photon is associated with an electromagnetic wave whose wavelength corresponds to the photon's energy. Electromagnetic waves sandwiched between Casimir mirrors form patterns of standing waves, which are restricted to certain values-in the same way that plucked guitar strings play only certain notes. Because of this, many virtual photons that would exist in unbounded empty space cannot be trapped between the mirrors because their wavelengths don't fit. The energy associated with all these missing' photons is absent from the region between the plates, and the total energy of the quantum vacuum is lower there than in unbounded empty space. In other words, a static negative energy state exists between the plates.
"That's it," I shout, "all we need to do is pack some mirrors close to each other in his hole and accelerate them like mad. That will create negative energy."
Kim takes out her compact mirror. Smashes it into tiny pieces. She then takes two 1/4 inch pieces, yanks out a hair to separate them and tapes the ends to the nub of one of thin quill pens lying on the floor (Grade 10 girls are so messy). She inserts the quantum probe through the zero spot. Ignoring Mr. Jefferson's moan, she starts to accelerate the mirrors back and forth. Nothing happens. Kim says, "This isn't working, we need more quantum collectors." We all construct our own personal probes using the rest of the shattered compact mirror. "Ok, shifts of five mirrors should be enough." Four more negative energy scoops are penned into Mr. Jefferson's bum. "Now together girls", Kim instructs. Their pens become a blur.
God starts going translucent. Mr. Jefferson shouts, "Stop, you're making me lose control." Angels take over his eyes; he goes into a hypnotic state. "Promise, Promise, Promise." This is weird; he's not soft at all. Young men can be so silly, always worrying about the wrong thing.
Three shifts and 30 minutes later an eerie purple light emits from the zero spot. We see God waver towards the hole. I join the fourth and last shift knowing it was all up to us.
We stare at each other grimly and slowly insert our five mirrors into the purple field. We start to piston. We increase our speed. Five minutes later we are going like jackrabbits. The other girls lend their strength. Twenty hands, operating like one, pound the negative energy collectors deep in Mr. Jefferson's bum hole. The purple light gets stronger, pokey wavers, we throw all our energy into the hole, and the purple light is pure. The laser beams suddenly bend into the hole. Pokey is coming. We pull out the quantum probes. Pokey drives through the zero spot and into the purple hole. We watch in wonder as we see Mr. Jefferson's glowing white pokey moving in and out of his own bum. Amid a haze of purple, green red and white, it accelerates as per metric engineering predictions. Mr. Jefferson is corn holing himself more hastily than our negative energy collectors ever could. He keeps accelerating faster and faster. And then the magic moment occurs.
Mr. Jefferson screws himself faster than the speed of light. A Wormhole is born. It is a little tornado. We all cheer. We prove the modern theory of relativity. The wormhole swirls in everything close. We watch as a quill pen half flies in, then another. Soon, ten pens are stuck around his bore. The porcupine quills quiver as he keeps saying, "Promise, promise, promise" and then with a wail cries, "I can't, I just can't, forgive me Miss Kim". His worm implodes. The porcupine turns white. He faints; pokey, sperm and pens ooze out.
God is going soft. Heaven to Bessie, what are we to do? We promised Miss Kali we would help keep it hard. "Quick girls", I cry, "we need to stimulate his prostrate."
Kim, ever on the ball, punches her fist past the sperm and slams his prostrate hard. His pokey rears and then starts to flop again. She slams down again, wrist disappearing. He rears and flops. Kim is not a quitter. She pounds that ass with passion. Pokey hesitates and then starts to rise. Our spirits rise with him.
Mr. Jefferson comes out of his stupor at the same time as pokey. Kim seeing success, signals me to keep the action going. I struggle a bit since my fist is a bit larger than Kim's but manage to lodge it into its slimy home. As I pump the gripping walls, Kim goes to Mr. Jefferson and holds his head, "Don't worry Mr. Jefferson, we saved it. It's not soft."
Hope lights Mr. Jefferson's face. "Thank you, oh thank you, Miss Kim." She puts her fist in his mouth for washing. Mr. Jefferson is so grateful he even cleans Kim's fingernails.
His pokey looks fine now. I put my fist in his mouth loving the way he slurps between each and every finger. "Thank you, Mr. Jefferson, we'll see you tomorrow. Girls let's do a little pokey maintenance before we leave." Each girl gives Mr. Jefferson's elevated winking bum hole a hard finger-flicking spank. The zero spot is ragged by the 20 th flick. The bell rings and we leave a proud pokey behind. "So remember what it means if we tell a guy to go fuck himself", I giggle to Kim and Francis as we exit. We laugh, a trio of happy teenage girls. The whole class understands how hairless pokey boys work.
|
|
|