Puss in Boots

PUSS IN BOOTS

By C

(For le Chat, if he wants it.)

Puss in Boots was an unusually clever cat who set out one day to find adventure and hone his skills as a hunter. He wore big riding boots and a cap with a red feather. He also carried with him a knapsack and a crossbow, both of them slung over his back.

One day, he came to a country that showed the unmistakable signs of evil fairy enchantment. The farmsteads were deserted, the fields were barren, and the sky was perpetually overcast. Bad news for the inhabitants, but perhaps good news for him: he loved the taste of fairies and the excitement of hunting them. So where might the wicked lovelies be hiding?

He came to a stream and bent down to drink from the water. While drinking, he heard the sound of feminine laughter: high-pitched, tinkling, very pretty, but with a note of malice. He looked up, and there, sitting on a nearby hillock, were three extraordinarily beautiful women. They were all dressed in bright, white, sleeveless shifts (ending just a little below their waists), spotlessly white panties, and white high heels. Each had two pairs of white wings, something like the wings of a butterfly. One of the women sat in the center of the group, at the top of the hillock. She had long, crow-black hair and well-proportioned legs that she kept crossed in front of her. The other two, both blondes, lounged on either side of her, a few feet farther down. All were smiling at Puss in Boots.

"Welcome, traveler," said the black-haired fairy, whose air marked her as their leader. "What brings you to these parts?"

"Hunting," said Puss.

"How about that? We're hunters, too." At this, all three emitted more of their high, tinkling laughter.

"Pardon me, ladies," asked Puss, "but don't fairies have a lot of natural enemies? How do you stay on top of the game?"

"Oh, that's easy," said the black-haired fairy. "We're invulnerable."

"Really?" said Puss. "How did you manage that?"

"We have a certificate," she said. "Smorgoth the Sorcerer owed us big-time, so he wrote one out for us. It guarantees: no lions, tigers, leopards, panthers, wolves, foxes, bears, otters, human beings, etc., etc., etc., will ever catch us, ever hurt us, ever make us cry."

"Smorgoth, eh?" said Puss. "Did he include a catch-all clause?"

"Sure: 'nor any other predatory beasts, birds, insects, arachnids, or other critters.' It's ironclad. So we go from kingdom to kingdom committing murder and mayhem with never a fear for our safety. Say, would you like to sit next to us?"

Puss in Boots was careful not look any of them directly in the eyes. "No thanks," he said. But he did come quite a bit closer, and that seemed to please them.

"So," said the fairy, "what do you hunt?"

"Fairies," said Puss.

They laughed again, this time rather loudly. "Fairies!" she said. "How delightfully impudent! You must be feeling awfully frustrated." As she said this, she uncrossed and recrossed her legs. Her scent, a wonderful compound of musk and honey, tickled the cat's nose.

"Not at all," he said. "I'm feeling very optimistic. In fact, I predict that before this time tomorrow, I'll have caught the three of you. Or would you like to just come quietly? You'll cry either way, but you'll cry harder if I have to come get you."

At this, the three fairies sprang up, their eyes bright with rage and their teeth bared (he could see that their upper canines were long and very sharp). They started coming down the hill toward him. With one smooth movement, Puss took the crossbow (already loaded) from his back, aimed it at the blonde girl to his right, and shot her between her ample breasts. A look of surprise and pain came over her face. She placed a hand where the bolt had struck her, gave out a choked sob, and fell to her pretty knees.

Puss didn't wait, but dropped the crossbow and launched himself at the other blonde. She screamed pitiably as he fastened his teeth and claws on her well-padded bosom. Since he was a magical cat, his teeth and claws—as well as the bolts from his crossbow—were envenomed. It wasn't long before both girls were on their backs, kicking and writhing, unable to get up.

The black-haired fairy stood for a moment in a state of shock. Then she spread her wings and shot into the air. Soon she was just a speck on the horizon. I want her too , thought Puss, so this is what he did. He got two lengths of rope from his knapsack and bound the wrists of the caught girls behind them (fairies are entirely helpless when tied with rope). Then he placed them on their backs in a nice trophy line. All this time, they wept profusely and begged for their lives. Next he tugged their panties to their knees; if possible, they wept even harder now. The clearing soon filled with the sweet honey-musk scent of their pussies. That should bait the trap nicely, he thought. He took up position nearby, under cover of a thorn bush, and waited.

Fairies, he knew, are terribly covetous of one another's belongings. When one of them is caught, her sisters rarely miss the opportunity to steal her panties. And so it was now. About midnight, the black-haired girl was back. She looked around her briefly, then went over to where her friends lay, softly whimpering. She grasped the nearer girl's panties and started working them down her legs. Her victim didn't like this and began to kick at her, as well as the venom would allow.

"You don't need them any more!" said the black-haired girl in a harsh whisper. She kept on pulling. Just then, Puss did a passable imitation of a hoot owl. The girl turned toward the sound with a startled look on her face. "What the . . . " she started to say, when a bolt from Puss's crossbow caught her in the belly, just below her navel. A few screams, a lot of wailing and tears, and she was bound and lined up with the others. Puss in Boots went to sleep.

The next morning, he got up and came over to his catch. He yanked their panties off completely, sniffed these with no small pleasure, then dropped them at each girl's feet.

All three were wide awake and wide-eyed. "H-how did you do it?" asked the black-haired girl.

"How'd I bag you? I know all about Smorgoth's certificates. He was always careless, and he always forgot to check the box next to the catch-all clause. It's not valid. And since the certificates never mention housecats (let alone housecats who walk on their hind legs and talk), I'm just not covered. I've caught a whole chorus line of fairies who had those things. You might complain to Smorgoth the next time you see him. Oh, I'm sorry, you're not going to see him…."

"If…if you let us go," said the black-haired girl, her voice quavering, "we can make it worth your while."

"I have simple desires, Miss," said the cat, "and they'll be satisfied best by holding on to you."

"Oh please, please don't!" she cried, and the others chimed in: "Please, please!"

He responded by grasping the black-haired girl's thighs firmly with his claws and pushing them up and back, so that the space between her legs was fully exposed. He then plunged his teeth into the soft folds of her cunt. She screamed--a high, thin ribbon of despair. The others screamed, too--in anticipation. He now worked his rough tongue over the surface of her vulva. Then he slipped it in, deeper and deeper, to the accompaniment of her groans and her spasmodic kicking. She tasted like some fabulous meringue or custard. Now he pulled his tongue out and bit her again; this time it was just a nip, and she didn't scream nearly as much. From here on, it was lick, nip, lick, nip, until she was violently thrashing and moaning with every touch. She kicked harder and harder (he had to be careful about those high heels!). Finally, she came. She would come five more times before she died. When it was their turn, the others gave similar performances. As each girl groaned and died, Puss in Boots drank in her essence. All that was left were fragile shells that would shiver into dust before an hour had passed.

"Beautiful but stupid," said the cat out loud. Then he got up, took a leak, and went on his way.

THE END

(for three foolish fairies!)