My Choreographed Death
by Death Dreamer
I could only imagine how sweet and gratifying it would be to fully
plan my own death. I have only recently become obsessed with death
and the dark world of snuff. I have met numerous souls who are also
bent on that final high that only a truly horrific death will bring
when fully intertwined with sex and even drugs. A final day of excess
and depravement. Even a last few hours or just a few minutes of
perversion so extreme as to drive most men and women insane. This is
the kind of death I crave and will have. It's as if I would be forced
to go back in time to a more barbarous time when death with honor was
a way of ascending to heaven.
This is not something that can be done in solitude. This kind
of death needs to be, if not witnessed by many, at least filmed or
photographed to be shared for all time. Many have tried to do this
with a gun or by jumping from a building, but they pale in comparison
with what I have planned. You see, they did things on impulse and
were barely one step ahead of getting caught and had to rush things.
I, on the other hand, have been thinking about this for over a year
and reading everything I can on the subject of snuff, suicide, murder,
torture, pain etc. I've also viewed and studied every real life death
pic on the internet. Not just the dead scenes you see on the major
sites, but the totally gruesome gory shots on the lesser known sites
and groups. It's the violent, bloody, gutted bodies and dismemberment
shots I druel over.
The one problem is, that I will have to have some help to
quench this gruesome hunger. Of course, I could always build a
guillotine and pull the handle while being filmed, but that would be
too quick and uneventful. I could construct a gallows and do the
same, but again, so what. There are some wild and incredible machines
that can be built to slowly kill yourself, but I would just lay there
and wait and what if something went wrong? When I am found, and that
will be the finale of the event, I want people to be in awe of how I
exited this life. They will not believe how a human would willingly
take part in and enjoy such horror and mayhem. I want to take a very
active part at the beginning and even after I am no long able to help,
and I don't mean incapacitation, (to be explained later) I want to
enjoy and feel every moment of my body dying until that last beat of
my heart.
I have worked on the details of my death for a seemingly
endless period with my only thought and desire to start my journey.
The months of planning will provide no more than two or three hours of
sweet and horrible acts of bodily destruction. I have taken great
pains to use a manner of death that will be slow, painful,
purposefully gruesome, but with full protection of my vital organs,
and to prevent shock or sudden blood loss, and to ensure that I and my
helper maintain complete control of the time of death. I will be lucid
until the last and able to see my body mutilated before me. I want to
see my parts thrown in a heap on the floor one by one. Should I pass
out, there will be smelling salts used. I do want pain and when I say
pain, I want it to be sudden, shocking, intense and creative. I want
old world pain.
The true difficulty here is in getting help. I just can't do
what I want by myself. I either need to find someone hell bent on
murder like a criminal or pay someone to help snuff me. I need to
find someone or even a couple who will enjoy doing me as much as I
will enjoy being done. I really want a sadistic bitch dom who hates
men. After months of screening, and to make a long story short, I
found such a couple. They talked with me on IRC for months and seemed
very serious and perverted like me. They were definitely sexual
sadists and into snuff. From what they said during our conversations,
they had already snuffed at least one or more people out on their farm
in Missouri. In fact, they lived on 5000 acres in the area called the
Breaks, way out in the middle of nowhere where, even if I let out
blood curdling screams, no one would hear. I really liked them and I
felt we were a match made in hell.
After a few months, they sent me their picture. I was amazed
at how normal they appeared. We all have our dark side thank Satan.
It was the darkest side that I needed now more than ever. The dark
horrible desires of three people would be blended into one vicious
three hour event that would start with me plunging a knife into my gut
and end in a totally mutilated body of a man, alive till the end and
consenting to all the mayhem and gore that these sick perverts could
inflict.
There was a long process of negotiations on what they wanted to
do to me and how long it would last vs. what my wishes were. We
talked out every detail, weapons, duration, pain threshold, blood and
finally, the death blow. They were some sick fucks and really wanted
to torture me over a few days. We compromised on virtually
everything. I did yield on one wish of theirs. They wanted to slice
off my genitals before I stabbed myself . I figured what the fuck.
I'd be dead soon and the pain would soon disappear into the background
of the whole gruesome event. I kinda liked the idea of seeing my cock
and balls on a plate. Knowing that my manhood was first to go would
make it easier to end it all and proceed with my plan. After all,
what would I have left to live for?
After fully negotiating the exact methods, manner and timing,
we moved on to the date. Now this was tricky. I had to tie up my
loose ends and just disappear. I made plans with work for a two week
vacation. I turned my website into total public access so that my
death could be fully published afterward for all to see and enjoy.
The snuff couple would post the gory details for months after my
death. I bought a top quality video camera and a prosumer digital
still camera for the event. Both would be on tripods and capture
every facet of my destruction and every drop of blood and expression
of delight and horror on my face. I had no family so that was easy.
Monday July 25th would be the day I died. If all went well, a
death/suicide/murder would take place that would shock the nation in
it's shear horror. In the best tradition of Gein, Dahmer, The Ripper
and the Marque de Sade, I would die a truly indescribable death. I
left my house for the last time and took only one change of clothes.
I would drive a day and a half to get to their ranch in a stolen car
and ditch it just inside the Missouri border. I would wear a disguise
for the last part of the trip and arrive at night. Joseph, I'll call
the husband, would pick me up on a deserted road after midnight 50
miles from their ranch.
It was cold this night as I walked along the dirt road. By the
next midnight, I would be dead. I wanted to die in the summer on a
hot steamy night. As I would be naked and die the way I was born, I
craved the sticky heat for the end. I wanted my body to be drenched
in sweat. A cold death is not what I want. I saw a car in the
distance and as it began to slow, I thought of all the planning and
devotion to this deed these many months. I wanted this so fucking
bad. I wanted to feel the pain of being hacked apart and having cold
steel invading my body. I wanted the freedom to die in a way few men
can imagine in their worst nightmare, much less experience in the
flesh. The car stopped and I opened the door. I looked in and it was
Joseph. He got out and pushed me against the car and frisked me.
"I just wanted to make sure this wasn't a set up," he said.
"I'm here as agreed", I said. "My death is in your hands."
I got in and we drove off for miles and made a left turn onto a
long dirt road. There were only stars in the distance. This was
desolate. We could truly do whatever we wanted and no one would know.
Finally, I saw a house and light in the distance and a large
barn. Joseph pointed out the barn and said, "That's where we'll do
it."
As we parked, I walked to the barn and looked inside. It was
dark, but then Joseph snapped on some very bright lights, almost like
a studio. There was a large 24in wide column in the middle with two
diagonal beams sticking out at about shoulder high. There were iron
ringlets all up and down the side of the column and the beams. There
was a large role of rope ready for use at the base. The floor was
heavily covered in hay. Joseph said,
"It will soak up the blood and we can burn any trace of you
afterword."
I just smiled at him. "By the way, how will you dispose of my body?",
I asked.
He laughed and then showed me the cattle feed troughs out the back
door.
"You will be ground up with some corn and fed to my cattle. You will
become hamburger for thousands of people. How does that sound?" he
said.
Those poor people will become cannibals when they go to their local
Burger King and won't suspect a thing. This was truly the icing on
the cake, to continue the event and let those poor unsuspecting souls
take part in my death.
We went into the house and Jane, a true fucking bitch as I was
to find out, was sitting at the country kitchen table sipping some
tea. She had waited up for us, obviously a little worried about her
husband bringing a stranger into the house for what we were about to
do. She was in her forties and attractive, but not beautiful. She
looked me over and offered me some tea. We all sat and chit chatted.
She finally asked me if I was truly ready and willing to die as we had
planned these many months or was I a chicken shit like the others.
I just nodded and said, "Yes Mam. I've been ready for months.
She went on to say, "Are you prepared for the amount of pain you will
endure? This is no longer fantasy and once we begin, there is no
turning back. Once you are tied to the beam, we will not let you
down for any reason. When you are finally untied, I promise you that
your family and friends will not recognize you as you, much less as
human. Do you fucking understand me? Do you realize what I'm going to
do to your body? If you show any remorse dr"
Her initial smile had disappeared and she was deadly serious.
Joseph looked at me also for any sign of hesitation. I again nodded
yes and asked if they had a knife. Joseph asked me what I wanted it
for and I told him it was to show them both that I could and would
endure the pain and that the death we were about to start was
precisely what I wanted. Joseph handed me a nice sharp knife and I
just stared at both of them and put it against my forearm. They just
watched with barely any expression as I firmly sliced through my skin
about half and inch deep and six inches long. I tried to remain still
as I did this, but it did hurt a lot. I gasped and dropped the knife
to the floor and watched as the blood ran from my arm onto the table.
Jane calmly got up and brought me a white towel and wrapped my arm
tightly. I just stared at them for any reaction and they smiled
slightly continued sipping their tea.
I thought I'd made my point and we just talked till almost 2AM.
Joseph said he would come get me at 11AM. I was to have no breakfast
and since I didn't eat anything that night, my bowels would be clear.
We didn't want anything to ruin this well thought out death. As we
all went to bed, I could hear only the sound of the wind outside and a
coyote in the distance. The cattle were making some noises and I
could just imagine how I would become part of their meal within 24
hours. I didn't sleep at all or only in brief moments. I just lay
there looking up at the ceiling dreaming of what we were about to do.
I still had many unanswered questions. Would I truly be able to
endure the pain without screaming and wailing the entire time? Would
my body defy me and give out too soon? Would I panic and try to back
out when the time came? These are the questions that no man can
answer until the actual time. Only then will it truly become real and
painful. All the fantasy will be left behind. I can never repeat
this event or even remember it afterward.
I suddenly woke up and stared at the clock. It was 10AM.
Joseph would soon be here and by noon it would begin. I felt a sudden
panic and almost went for the door. If I didn't go through with this
now, I would regret it forever. We had planned it so well and these
were definitely the people to help me. I had to go through with it
and live out my dream. I was going to fucking die today and die well.
I calmed down and threw some cold water on my face and then drank a
little.
There was a knock on the door and I opened it to see Jane
instead of Joseph. She smiled for the first time and handed me a
glass of wine. She said it was homemade and she had added a small
amount of prozac to calm my nerves just in case. I quickly drank it
down and we walked toward the barn. The sun was high in the sky
already and it was going to be warm just the way I wanted it. As she
opened the barn door, I saw the video and still camera in place and
the lights were on. It was like a movie set and I was the star for my
one and only performance. They were so matter of fact about
everything. There was a table in front of the beam. There was a six
inch bowie knife, a Wyoming gutting blade, an ax, and some surgical
tubing. Part of our planning was to ensure that I would not bleed to
death and ruin everything. Both my arms and legs would be tightly
bound with the tubing above where any cutting would occur. Even when
my appendages are hacked off, I will still not bleed to death.
Joseph asked if I was ready and I really couldn't speak. I
just nodded and began to take off my clothes. They watched intently
as I disrobed. Amazingly, as I slid down my briefs, I was rock hard.
Death and sex are so damn intertwined for me. They always have been.
I don't know why, but it is this combination that has led me here now
to this death. I always feel the need to be killed intensely before
my orgasm. It does wain afterward, but it always comes back soon.
Jane looked at my cock and then the knife on the table. Cutting my
genitals off was always her idea. I had wanted to stab myself first
so that this pain would blend in but she was insistent. In the scheme
of things, I just didn't think it would matter.
Jane told me in a commanding voice to stand up by the column
and spread my arms to match the beams. I just casually walked over
and did as she asked while looking at the death implements on the
table. I just couldn't believe this was now about to start. I felt
my cock get even harder. I leaned up against the column and she began
tying the surgical tubing around my left bicep. My right arm had to
be fully functioning to hold and use the knife. She made it tight and
my left arm immediately got cold and began to turn white. Then she
did my legs and had to work to get the proper pressure. Afterward,
Joseph began to tie me to the column. He was careful to loop the rope
through every ringlet and completely immobilize my legs and torso.
After almost 30 minutes, my legs, waist, chest, left arm and both
shoulders were tightly lashed. I could only move my right arm. My
range of motion was perfect to wield a knife and stab my gut. They
both stood back and looked proud of their handwork. I tried to move
and couldn't.
Joseph turned on both of the cameras and peered through the
lenses. He looked up at me and said, "Looks great. It's ashame you
won't see this, but all your fans will."
I felt a huge amount of satisfaction knowing that thousands of
people would enjoy my death and that even more would be shocked by the
method and nature of this event. Some would even unknowingly ingest
my body weeks from now.
"We are ready." Jane said as she picked up a small paring knife off
the table and looked at me. There was a glass mason jar on the table
with some formaldehyde halfway up. My genitals were to be her special
prize and she seemed disgustingly giddy as she looked at Joseph for
approval to start the show. The cameras were on. I was immobilized.
My snuff couple was ready and now so was I.
I looked at Jane and said, "Please give me the death I crave. I'll do
my best to be strong and keep up my end of our agreement. Cut my
fucking cock off and then give me the knife you fucking bitch!!!!!!!!"
"Not so fast." she said and began to use her hand to caress my cock.
She slipped the knife under one of ropes against my gut and
handled my cock like a lover. She gently dry fisted me and squeezed
my sac.
She quietly whispered to me saying, "I wished I could have fucked you
last night, but hubby would never go for it."
I looked over at Joseph who was still fooling around with the
cameras. My cock was rock hard and her hand was warm and soft. I
began to forget, for just a moment why we were here. She quickened
her pace and sensed my eagerness to cum. My hips instinctively pushed
to her fist and my balls tightened. I felt so fucking good like this
a prisoner about to cum and then be executed. This was a true
snuffees dream cum true. As I got closer to my sweet climax, I hadn't
noticed that she'd taken back the knife and evidently placed it under
my sack. Suddenly as I felt the first pangs of orgasm, she grabbed my
sack and cock and viciously brought the sharp blade up through my
genital mound and I screamed as the hot searing pain wracked my groin.
As she stepped away, I looked down and could only see blood oozing
out where my cock once stood erect.
Through the waves of pain, I looked up at her face and then
down at her left hand. She smiled with a hate that took me by
surprise. She had played me like a pro. In her left hand was my
still erect penis and balls, bloodied and so lifelike. In her right
hand was the knife that would soon be buried in my gut, also bloodied
and dripping. She held my cock up for Joseph to see and then dropped
it into the glass jar. The liquid overflowed and she quickly placed
the lid on tightly. My groin was on fire, but it was tolerable.
Time was moving slowly and I now longed to take back some control.
"Give me the knife please. I want to start my journey. You've had
your turn. It's my turn now."
This was like a kids game with turns and rules. She had had
her fun and now it was the time I'd planned for so damn long. I was
going to take the sweet cold bloodstained bowie knife and plunge its
length as fiercely and deeply into my body as I could and feel the
wound to my very soul. I had tried this many times in the past and
almost did it. I could never really do it because of the damage it
would do and suffering through the healing process. Now, I could
dispense with all that aftermath and savor the violent act and enjoy
the pain with the certain knowledge that my gruesome death would soon
follow.
Joseph had to tell Jane to put down the jar. She had been
studying my genitals like a doctor. She gently placed the jar on the
table and picked up the knife. I struggled to reach out and take it
from her. She hesitantly handed it to my free hand and stepped back.
Both she and Joseph stood to the side to get a good view. I took a
firm hold on the handle and held it up high. Like a golfer, I made a
few practice swings and they weren't sure when the real attempt would
be made. I screamed with each practice run and even pierced the skin.
They could see the blood in three different spots. I had never gone
this far before and while aprehensive of the coming pain, I was ready.
I wanted to shock them. I looked at Jane and with as much force as I
could swung down my arm like swinging an ax. My body reacted as any
living body would as the blade easily made its way through my skin,
muscle, intestines and came to a rest with only the handle showing.
I never took my eyes off Jane until my right hand fell off the
handle. I struggled against the ropes and started to pull at the
knife. What they did not know was that I wanted to pull it out and do
it again. Joseph grabbed my arm and lashed it to the beam just like
my left. Jane quickly tied some surgical tubing around my bicep. The
pain was unbearable and while I had never experienced anything like
this before, it was exactly as I'd imagined. My gut was on fire. I
couldn't catch my breath. The wound was just below and to the right
of my navel. The blade was six inches long and buried to the hilt. I
could only imagine the damage to my intestines. I could feel every
inch of the blade. Even with my cock gone, I could feel that wonderful
feeling of arousal. By not letting me cum, Jane had kept my libido at
a high state and this is what helped me carry out my task. She was
smart.
There was surprisingly very little blood. I hadn't hit an
artery thank god and we had decided to leave the knife in place until
later on when I'd be gutted. This was indeed all I'd dreamed of and
more. Waves of pain ran through my body from my groin to my gut, but
I was fully in control and ready for more and worse things to come.
Much worse.
Joseph walked to the table and picked up the gleaming ax. It
was huge and sharp. He walked by me and grazed it against my
midsection leaving a thin trail of blood. I didn't even feel it slice
into my skin. I would feel it later if all went well. Jane was all
smiles now and ready to inflict as much violence on me as a whole
living body could take while still in one piece. Per our agreement, I
was to be taken apart bit by bit, piece by piece until only my torso
and head were whole. At that point, the Wyoming knife would be used
to carefully slice open my body allowing my intact innards to fall out
like bloody spaghetti.
My dickless arousal was now strong. My pheromones were raging
with a huge dose of adrenalin. I wanted to continue and feel what few
mortals can even begin to imagine.
"Do it. Do it now. Hurry up and cut one of my arms off." I yelled at
Joseph.
I had lost track of Jane. She suddenly appeared holding some
pruning shears. These were not part of our plan and I suddenly felt
an overwhelming feeling of betrayal. I could feel the evilness of
this bitch from the first. She had begged to cut off my cock and I'd
agreed. Now I was helpless and at her mercy. My left arm had become
limp and almost blue from the tubing. There was no blood movement
inside. My legs were not far behind, but would never get to the point
of my left arm. There was just no way to cut all of the blood flow
off.
Jane placed the blades of the shears around my left thumb and
squeezed the handle hard. I could feel the dull pain as the bone
snapped and my thumb fell to the floor. She picked it up and rubbed
my face with the bloody side. She quickly repeated the exercise with
all four fingers. I felt a very subdued sort of pain. It was
strong, but not searing. The crack of the bone in the shears was
unnerving and made me momentarily forget about the blade in my gut and
my still burning, blood oozing groin. There was a nice puddle of
blood between my feet now. I looked up at my left hand and blood was
dripping from the stumps of my fingers. I couldn't move my hand at
all. My palm was facing out and flat against the beam. Jane then
took the ax from Joseph and held it above her right shoulder carefully
aiming at my hand or wrist. She swung it hard and it both jarred the
column and cut my palm in half. It fell to the floor, barely
recognizable as part of me. Again I looked up at my hand and only a
useless stump was left.
I could feel it now as this was a larger part of my body with
more life than my fingers. My breathing was heavy as my body felt the
beginnings of shock. Regardless of my determination, I could not
control my body's autonomic responses. The pooling of blood in my
torso as a result of the shock would be a good thing for our plan.
Jane could see I was in some distress and poured me a large glass of
the same wine spiked with prozac. She gently held it to my mouth and
allowed me to drink as much as I wanted. It was sweet and had a
calming effect.
"Did you like my surprise?" she said.
I could only nod, still not being able to catch my breath.
"Are you ready to continue?"
Again, I nodded my approval and waited for the next attack on my
body. All of my hopes and dreams for a violent, sadistic and horrible
death were coming true and I could feel the kind of pain that only
soldiers on the field of battle get to experience. This was truly an
honorable way to die.
I was in my own version of heaven and any sane person's most horrible
conception of hell.
Only a handful of people in modern times had gone through what
I am now experiencing. Even the most despicable of third world
dictators would do to a person what was being done to me. I was
indeed lucky and with only a short time to live, I could only hope for
more pain, blood and gore to follow.
Jane came up to me again and whispered into my ear. She asked
if I remembered how it felt to have her hands on my cock. I closed my
eyes and thought of it. She talked dirty to me and it calmed me. She
put her hand on the knife handle and pushed it. I flinched as I felt
the blade move inside my body where it had torn my organs apart. She
suddenly pulled it out with a sucking sound. I gasped in pain and
screamed at her. The whispering continued and as I looked down at a
stream of blood flowing from the hole, she said my cock was actually
being soaked in olive oil not formaldehyde and that she was going to
cook it later for a snack. Just as I smiled at the thought, she
pushed the blade into the wound where my cock once stood proud and
hard. A searing burning pain shot deep into my groin as she sunk the
knife to the handle. I passed out only to be revived minutes later
with smelling salts and looked down at my new steel cock. The pain
was unbearable and I tried to get my hands free. She laughed at me
and said, "Go ahead and try to pull it out. I'll give you the chance
in a minute and cut your arms free.
Jane picked up the ax and I screamed as she hacked off my right
arm at the elbow and then did the same to the left. I cried out as
she then cut the ropes binding my arms and let them flail about. I
tried to make my useless stumps reach for the knife to pull it from my
groin, but I had no hands. Jane again cackled and laughed and picked
up my arms and threw them into a small wheel barrow. Then she picked
up my fingers, thumb and palm and did the same. As if in slow motion,
I watched my arms moving through the air with blood dripping all the
way. The fact that I had no hands quickly became my new reality. Had
the tubing not been tight, I would be bleeding to death. The pain
wracked my body to the core. I was in agony. The sharp blade that
had taken my manhood now sliced into my body like a blow torch. My
arms hung now with a dull pain I can't describe. I was well on my way
to death and now I knew what pain was. This was bittersweet torment
at the hands of a sadist in the form of a woman.
I was now dying flesh in deep pain and less than whole. If we
stopped now and called an ambulance, what would I have to live for
with no genitals, arms and my guts sliced up. It was real and not
real. It was horrible and yet good. Jane just paced back and forth
looking at me for any sign of regret. I was still determined as ever
through the intense pain and agony my body was enduring. Joseph just
stayed in the background with a deadpan look. He was obviously
controlled by the bitch. I looked at her and managed a smile and
said.
"I'm waiting for you to give me something real and quit fucking around
you fucking dyke."
I barely got the words out when she went into a rage and swung
the ax at my legs as if she was cutting down a tree. The column shook
and dust dropped from above as the blade tore through my calf. She
didn't even aim as she swung and it took five swings before both legs
were gone below the knee. I let out a murderous wail that came from
deep in my lungs. The pain was so intense that I lost consciousness
again............
The smell of the salts brought me out of my haze. My shock was
now deep and my vision was in black and white. I looked down to see
my lower legs on the ground before me. As my head hung with little
movement, Jane picked up the Wyoming blade, a blade designed to gut an
animal and not tear into the bowels. She grabbed it and held it up to
my face. I could just get the words out and whisper, "Open me up."
I looked down as she pushed the razor type blade into my left
side and slowly pulled it across my belly. With my body on fire in
some areas and the intense bone crushing ache of my arms and legs, I
scarcely felt my flesh open up. Blood poured slowly from the opening
and she finally made the full cut to my right side. My belly began to
bulge and my intestines began to slowly push out. They slid between
the flaps of my wound all 30 feet in strands of blood. I could feel
my insides empty as they fell down my legs to the ground. As the last
inches fell free, there was a tugging feeling up to my throat. Only
when she sliced them free, did that feeling go away. Blood flowed
easily now from my open cavity. How I wanted to see the video of
this. Thank Satan that others will get to enjoy it.
I was as close to being dead as a man can be. There was
nothing left of my body to save. The only thing that brought me this
far was my willpower and the surgical tubing holding the flow of
blood back. My pain threshold had been breached and my wildest death
wish had been fulfilled. I hung by the ropes being held in place only
by their tension around my torso. I could no longer hold my head up.
I now longed for the fucking bitch to finish me. She looked almost
bored now after two hours of watching me suffer. My body needed to
die. I needed to be finished now before I lost consciousness one more
time. She knew it also and pulled the knife from my groin. I didn't
even flinch. I had nothing left.
"Got any last words you cockless faggot?" she said.
"Kill me if you can bitch. I don't think you know how." were my last
words.
Jane held up my head and made a deliberate slash at my throat slicing
through to the jugular. I was only vaguely aware of the pain. She
then picked up the ax and I looked at her with my last glimpse of
life.
"Die you fucker, Die!!!!!!!!" was all I heard as she swung the
ax at the gaping wound in the center of my body. As my head fell and
my blood pressure dropped, I watched the flicker of light showing my
lower half falling to the ground.
I died a death one can only dream of in the worst of
nightmares. I savored the pain. I loved seeing the sadistic bitch
enjoy my death. As my soul began to burn in hell with all like me, I
rejoiced and began to scream in agony for all eternity.
